The Muppet Show (TV Series)
Twiggy (1976)
Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Waldorf, Muppet Newsman, King Rupert the Second, Mary Louise, Hillbilly Singer
Quotes
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Kermit the Frog : Uh, look Scooter, we're kind of busy right now but we'll keep our eyes open. I mean, seriously, I think you've been using your imagination too much. If there's a Phantom of the Muppet Show, I'm a monkey's uncle.
Wanda : [screaming] Help, there's a phantom in the dressing room!
[faints]
Kermit the Frog : Anybody got a banana?
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Uncle Deadly : You muppets have taken over my theatre. My home. Years ago, I was a great actor, a star. In this very theatre. My Hamlet was acclaimed as the greatest ever. And then I played my most difficult role, Othello. But on opening night, I was killed!
Kermit the Frog : [terrified] I'm very sorry to hear that. Who killed you?
Uncle Deadly : The critics.
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Kermit the Frog : Now, there is no such thing as a phantom. That's final, period, end of report!
Fozzie Bear : Uh, Kermit? What has a skull like head, fiery green eyes, and a torn cape?
Kermit the Frog : I don't know.
Fozzie Bear : I don't know either but it's right behind you!
[Fozzie, Scooter, Gonzo, and Hilda run away screaming]
Kermit the Frog : Uh, you will notice that I did not fall for their joke. And if it isn't a joke and if there is someone or something behind me, there is no doubt a logical explan for it. So I shall now just turn slowly around and see what is going on here.
Kermit the Frog : [unnerved, but remains calm when he sees Uncle Deadly behind him] Uh, pardon me, sir. But is there a logical explanation for your presence here?
Kermit the Frog : [Uncle Deadly's response is an evil, maniacal laugh] Apparently, there is no logical explanation.
Kermit the Frog : [runs away screaming]
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Kermit the Frog : [after the Feather Duster and the feather boas performed] Ok, very nice. Very nice, you guys have come a long way since you were feather dusters.
Feather Duster : [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. I enjoyed it ever so much, really I did!
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The Newsman : Here's a Muppet News Flash. Dateline: London. Mrs. Lola Thomas of that city has just finished eating an entire diesel tractor.
[a screen turns on, revealing Twiggy as Lola Thomas]
The Newsman : Tell me, Mrs. Thomas, why did you do such a thing?
Lola Thomas : Well, the doctor told me I had an iron deficiency, you see, so I started on a couple of doorknobs and the occasional typewriter. But there's nothing really quite like a good bit of diesel tractor where you chip and pave, is there?
The Newsman : What an extraordinary feat. I mean, how was it done?
Lola Thomas : Oh, medium rare or thereabouts.
The Newsman : Is this lady making a fool of me?
[on the screen, Twiggy bites into a microphone and savors it]
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Kermit the Frog : Hey, uh, thank you for letting me have this dance with you. Uh, what did you say your name was?
Mary Louise : Mary Louise! One, two, three, dip!
[She vigorously dips Kermit]