Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Quotes 

• Roger : Don't be such a Scrooge!

  Ben : For your information, Scrooge was the misunderstood hero of the book until the end, when Dickens copped out and made him nice.

• Ben : Why can't we knock Kenzo out with cough medicine and pretend we had a party?

  Susan : Why can't I just knock *you* out with cough medicine and pretend you had a wife?

• Susan : It seems like only yesterday it was Janey's third birthday...

  Ben : ...when it was only thousands of pounds ago.

• Ben : I've got a little problem. Just a *tiny* disparity between how much I spent on your mother's Christmas present and how much she spent on mine.

  Michael : How tiny?

  Ben : [hesitantly]  £1,197.53.

• Ben : What can I get your mother? I mean, you talk to her.

  Michael : How about an Xbox?

  Ben : Nope. She doesn't get off on those movies. God knows I've tried.

  Michael : That's the kind of thought you should keep inside your head.

• Ben : Come on. What does your mother want?

  Michael : Well...

  Ben : And don't say her freedom.

  Michael : Oh. Well, in that case, I've got nothing.

• Grace : If anyone needs an Aspirin, I do!

  Ben : [in a gremlin's voice]  Why don't you swallow the whole bottle, you old bat?

• Alfie : [at the Harpers' front door]  I'm a friend of Nick's.

  Ben : [gasps]  Nick alert!

  [nearly shuts the front door on Alfie's face]