NYPD Blue (TV Series)

The Irvin Files (2000)

Stanley Kamel: Noel Beller

Quotes 

• Det. Andy Sipowicz : Sorry you lost all your art.

  Noel Beller : You might have commiserated with me by offering me some sort of beverage.

  Det. Andy Sipowicz : You want a beverage?

  Noel Beller : No, not now.

  [Beller and Nicki leave the squad] 

  Det. Andy Sipowicz : How about a cup of Liquid Drano?

  John Irvin : That wouldn't be the first toxic chemical he's ingested today.

• [Baldwin passes Noel Beller and Evan Sibley sitting on the bench in the catching area as he leaves the squad] 

  Det. Baldwin Jones : How's it going.

  Noel Beller : Everyone, including the mortally wounded, get asked "how's it going?"

• John Irvin : Detective, this is Mr. Beller.

  Det. Andy Sipowicz : How's it going?

  Noel Beller : [incredulous]  How's it going?

  Nicki Cameron : Mr. Beller's art collection was stolen.

  Det. Andy Sipowicz : I know, it's my case.

  Noel Beller : If it's your case, and you know that the collection's been stolen, why in heaven's name would you ask me, "how are things going?"

  Det. Andy Sipowicz : Either of you has a gun, feel free to shoot me. I meant it like "hello."

• Noel Beller : I demand to see Detective Sipowicz or Sorenson.

  Det. Jill Kirkendall : A collar only gets one call, Mr. Beller. I think you ought to be deciding whether that's going to be your lawyer or your dealer.

  John Irvin : Unless he's the same person.

• Det. Danny Sorenson : So what's your act exactly, Mr. Beller? Is this some kind of skippy-whip for you, putting us through our paces?

  Noel Beller : Actually, my suspicions are increasingly focused on Ms. Cameron.

  Det. Danny Sorenson : And that started when?

  Noel Beller : I've just been putting two and two together.

  Det. Danny Sorenson : Meaning you knew you liked her from the jump. If it's not her, you want to know who I like, Mr. Beller? You.

  Noel Beller : Thirty-four million dollars and counting, detective.

  Det. Danny Sorenson : Well that don't rule you out yet in my book, Mr. B, 'cause I'm still figuring maybe you're the kind of hump jerk-off one day finds his little interests and routines, they don't hold his attention no more. Decides maybe he's gonna put a little zest in his life by doing something naughty.

  Noel Beller : I'm flattered, detective, but I don't have that much imagination or nerve. Perhaps if I didn't take so much Vicodin.