NewsRadio (TV Series)

Airport (1997)

Phil Hartman: Bill McNeal

Quotes 

• Dave : Bill, have you ever heard the expression "It's easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar"?

  Bill : Dave, have you ever heard the expression "Only a hillbilly sits around and tries to figure out the best way to catch flies"?

• Bill : Experience has taught me that behind every toothy grin hides an extra row of teeth.

• Dave : Bill, haven't you ever heard the expression, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?"

  Bill : It's already happening. You've reverted back to what you were.

  Dave : This is what I am. A kind, friendly, reasonable person.

  Bill : You've gotten soft. You're like one of those police dogs who's released into the wild and gets eaten by a deer or something.

  Dave : What?

  Bill : Dave, haven't you ever heard the expression, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for?"

• Bill : Don't try to confuse the issue with half truths and gorilla dust.

• Bill : I don't think you realize whom you are talking to.

  Airline Representative : Why sure. I'm talking to Bill McNeal of WNYX.

  Bill : Wow! I see my reputation precedes me.

  Dave : Not it doesn't. He's just reading your name tag from the convention.

• Dave : Bill, we are not in New York.

  Bill : We're not? Gee, and here I am mistaking the Museum of Yarn for the Guggenheim.

• Bill : I ordered French fries, not frozen potato planks placed in the general vicinity of some warm grease.

• Dave : Bill, don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick?

  Bill : Laying what on?

  Dave : The fake friendliness.

  Bill : You're not gonna believe this, Dave, but I actually forgot I was faking it.

  Dave : What?

  Bill : After a while, I just started acting nice.

  Dave : You're drunk.

  Bill : Well, sure, but there's a lot more to it than that. I actually feel... friendly.

  Dave : Well, welcome to the club.

  Bill : You mean to tell me that you feel like this all the time?

  Dave : Except when I'm around you, yeah.

  Bill : Well, I gotta tell you, it feels great.

• Dave : Still no answer. We've only been out four days.

  Bill : Isn't it that redhead's job to answer the phones?

  Dave : Four days is a little soon to be forgetting people's names.

  Bill : Four days in the vast cultural wasteland between New York and Palm Springs will do that to you.

• Bill : You see, Dave? You were right after all - under the skin, we're all really the same.

  Dave : Well, the brotherhood of man has never seemed... so repellent.