- Jimmy James: I have a system. Always bet against any team that Ted Turner owns. That's what he does.
- Bill McNeal: I hear you're opening for the great one.
- Dave: Tell me, where do you get your misguided confidence?
- Bill McNeal: Not confidence, Dave. Experience. I have spoken in front of dozens of fraternal organizations across this great land of ours.
- Dave: Really?
- Bill McNeal: Shriners, Lions clubs, Elk lodges. It's like I'm their king or something.
- Dave: A kingdom of fat men in little cars. You must be very proud.
- Lisa: [Dave has locked his office door] He never locks the door. What is he doing in there?
- Joe Garrelli: Maybe he's doing it with Lisa... Sorry. Force of habit.
- Jimmy James: Back in the '70s I had the worst losing streak.
- Matthew Brock: Really?
- Jimmy James: Oh, yeah. I lost on every game, even the ones that I fixed.