- Bill: When I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to another radio station, as we broadcasters sometimes do. What I heard shocked and saddened me. I heard a broadcaster, who will go unnamed, use the word "penis" on the air. At nine in the morning, not just once but twice, he said... that word twice. Now, as a broadcaster, freedom of speech is my bread and butter, but I'm also a big fan of a little thing called decency, the meat in the broadcasting sandwich. I am personally outraged by the shock tactics our competitors are using in pursuit of the almighty ratings. Freedom of speech is one thing; the word "penis" is another.
- Bill: I need you to sign off on today's installment of the McNeil Perspective. This one is kind of a hot topic.
- Dave Nelson: Oh, really? Let me guess. Is this the third installment of your series on why people should be allowed to smoke in movie theaters like in the olden days?
- Bill: No, no. I think I was really just preaching to the converted on that one. But it did generate some interesting mail.
- Dave Nelson: Ah, yeah. Are you referring to the letter that described you as Andy Rooney without a sense of humor?
- Bill: Nonsense. *Andy Rooney* is Andy Rooney without a sense of humor.
- Matthew: How did you get all that dirt on me, anyway?
- Jimmy James: We called your mom.
- Matthew: Oh... You must think I'm a terrible person.
- Jimmy James: No - no. Not at all. Not at all. You know what? I... I got fired from my first job as a stock boy, too.
- Matthew: Oh-ho! For stealin' pies?
- Jimmy James: No, for funneling register overcharges into a shell account in a neighboring state. Same principle, though.