- [Harry bribes a messenger boy to sing a regular telegram]
- Timmy: [to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat] "U.S. Army sad to say that sometime yesterday/ Captain Fielding's plane went down north of Hudson Bay."
- Christine Sullivan: [reading] "Although a body has not been found, he is presumed dead at the scene."
- Bull Shannon: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream!
- Public Defender Christine Sullivan: You know, Dan, you could get into a lot of trouble for impersonating a military officer.
- Dan Fielding: It just so happens that I am an officer in the United States Army Reserves.
- Mac Robinson: Get out!
- Dan Fielding: No, it's true. In fact, I've been in the Reserves for five years. I mean, it's no big deal. One weekend a month, two weeks every summer...
- Bull Shannon: Like going to the bathroom.
- [stares from everyone]
- Bull Shannon: What?
- Harry Stone: [On Dan being late for work] He'd better have one *whopper* of an excuse!
- Dan Fielding: [approaches the table in military uniform and salutes Harry] Captain Dan Fielding reporting for duty, *sir!*
- Harry Stone: What can I say, the guy's good.
- Dan Fielding: Well, there are lots of things about my life that I haven't told you.
- Judge Harry T. Stone: [Very dry] Yes and believe me we're grateful.
- Christine Sullivan: I can't believe anyone would want to send Dan Fielding to a war zone.
- Mac Robinson: Except as bait.
- [the two nod]
- Dan Fielding: I Cannot Die, I Don't Look Good in a Coffin... . Trust Me, I know!
- [Harry gives him a bewildered look]