- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: I read that the Detroit Lions have a new stadium. They got a dome, Mac.
- Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Isn't that a breath of fresh air, sir?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Now you can have the Lions hosting the Chicago Bears at the new stadium. Then across town the Detroit baseball team could be playing. Then you know who's all playing at once? Lions and Tigers and Bears.
- Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Oh my!
- Public Defender Billie Young: [after wrestling him back into his hospital bed because he's afraid of the hospital] I don't want you out of my life yet. You just got here.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Billie, what you seem to be saying is...
- Kenny: [from behind his curtain] She wants to jump your bones, Harry!
- [he raises the curtain and is surprised at their position]
- Kenny: By golly, I called that one, didn't I?
- Public Defender Billie Young: 'Zippy Bits'! I opened myself up to him... over 'Zippy Bits'!
- Bailiff Selma Hacker: I did it once for a piece of chocolate and a pair of nylons.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: You know 'Zippy Bits,' that breakfast cereal that promises a free circus whistle in each box? Well I bought a box, polished off the whole thing. No whistle. I even called them. They said there was a whistle in every box. Guess they were right.
- Public Defender Billie Young: You mean he's been carrying around a piece of plastic in his stomach all these years?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: No, about three weeks.
- Papa Jack: Everybody calls me 'Papa Jack.'
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Why?
- Papa Jack: Why?
- [laughs like it's a ridiculous question, but abruptly stops to wonder]
- Papa Jack: I don't know why.
- Gynecologist: How often do you get these pains, Judge?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Every now and then.
- Gynecologist: Once a week? Once a day?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: We'll want to know when they're five minutes apart, Harry.
- Gynecologist: [to Harry] You really should be seen by a specialist. It's been years since I've...
- Bailiff Selma Hacker: Been with a man?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Sir, if anything should happen to you...
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: I'll see you get my parking space.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Say, wasn't this a Japanese restaurant yesterday?
- Papa Jack: Say you've got a sharp eye for detail, don't you?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: So I've been told.
- Public Defender Billie Young: [wondering if Harry likes the 'specialty' of the restaurant] So, what's the verdict?
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: [after Harry dashes from the table with stomach pain] Manslaughter.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: [when the gang comes into Harry's office to see how he's doing after his examination] The man said I got a little pain in my tummy, that's all.
- Gynecologist: That's not what I said, Judge. This doesn't sound like simple indigestion to me. In my opinion, you should see a doctor right away.
- Public Defender Billie Young: Well, you're a doctor, aren't you?
- Gynecologist: Gynecologist.
- Kenny: [at the hospital] You're the third person in that bed in two days.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: What happened?
- Kenny: The angel of death took them all. Here's to you making it through the night.
- Kenny: Harry, it's getting stuffy in here.
- Public Defender Billie Young: Then stop breathing.
- Kenny: I'll try that.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: So Doc, what's the good word?
- Dr. Glass: Surgery.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: That was a rhetorical question.
- Dr. Glass: The sooner we pull it out, the better.
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: Pull what out?
- Dr. Glass: [shining a light through the x-ray] There it is, right there.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Tumor?
- Bailiff Selma Hacker: Ulcer?
- Baliff Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Whistle?
- Dr. Glass: [points to Bull] We have a winner.
- Public Defender Billie Young: It's a whistle?
- Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone: That's where it is. I must have swallowed it.
- Dr. Glass: That would be my guess, yes.
- [Papa Jack brings a basket of squid on fire to the table]
- Papa Jack: I hope that everybody's hungry.
- Asst. D.A. Dan Fielding: Oh, boy, my favorite. Fire.