- Martine: This is something that's so shocking, so provocative, it could put the Golden Calf Showroom on the map. But I need someone special. Someone who can sing. Someone who can mesmerize an audience with her voice and wear a tall hat without tipping over.
- Mary: I can sing!
- Nikki White: I can sing too! And I played Abe Lincoln in third grade. Tall hat, no fall!
- [the girls all start talking at once]
- Martine: Bup-bup-bup-bup! Now ladies I'm sure that you all have your... skills but a truly gifted singer can make, well, even a grocery list sound like an operetta. So, Mary, sing me a posting on the notice board.
- [Mary goes over the board and sings]
- Mary: Roommate wanted. No smoking. No pets. Bi-curious a plus.
- [She takes the notice off the board]
- Martine: Hmm. Uh, Luna?
- Luna: Yes, Martine.
- [Luna goes to the board and sings]
- Luna: Will whoever stole my favorite pair of platforms give them back, you bitch?
- Martine: Very nice. Yeah. Uh, Nikki?
- [Nikki clears her throat and goes to the board. She sings]
- Nikki White: Please sign this petition to get Martine canned
- [She blocks the notice from Martine, who tries to take a closer look at it]
- Nikki White: and bottled water because we want him well fed and hydrated.
- [Martine rips up the notice and storms off]
- Nikki White: Hey, who wants to go see some professional wrastling tonight?
- Luna: I'm in!
- Mary: Sure. I'll just go hitch up my trailer, put in my good teeth and... no.
- Dwight White: I am no stranger to humiliation. On my twelfth birthday my mom came to school dressed as a clown and handed out pocket combs. Later that day all the kids decided to see exactly how many pocket combs fit in my shorts. The answer was all of them.
- Nikki White: [singing] I've always wondered why famous people die in threes./If they're not crashing private planes they're skiing into trees./Two have died of late and with baited breath we wait./To learn the awful news, who's next?/Will Mark McGwire light on fire?/Or Michael Jordan be post-mortem?/Will a thousand voltas hit Travolta?/Who's next? Who's next?/Will Shania get hit by a twain?/Will Leonardo be decapitato?/History has shown that these folks don't never die alone. Until then I'm watching CNN./
- Nikki White: Excuse me. Honey, I think those are our seats.
- Kid: No, they're not.
- Nikki White: [chuckles] Yeah, I'm pretty sure they are.
- Kid: Well, we're sitting here so looks like you're SOL.
- Nikki White: [Nikki is shocked] Well, if we are you little S-head, I'll kick your A.
- [the kid and his friend run away]