Perfect Strangers (TV Series)

A Christmas Story (1986)

Bronson Pinchot: Balki Bartokomous

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. Edwina Twinkacetti : [singing]  Seven swans a swimming...

  Mary Anne : Six geese a laying...

  Balki Bartokomous : Five onion rings!

• Balki Bartokomous : On Dancer, on Prancer and on Donna Dixon! On Comet, on Cupid, on Reagan, on Nixon!

• Balki Bartokomous : Boy! A Christmas bonus! I can always use another envelope.

• Balki Bartokomous : You know what I can't understand? Why do American decorate trees instead of turtles?

  Larry Appleton : Well, one good reason is a tree won't slowly crawl out of the living room.

  Balki Bartokomous : That's what the Christmas lettuce is for.

• Balki Bartokomous : [stunned after receiving a passionate kiss from Mary Ann]  How did you make that happen?

  Larry Appleton : Mistletoe. It's an old tradition. You hang it over the door and women *have* to kiss you.

  Balki Bartokomous : What a gimmick! Why don't we hang it up all year long?

  Larry Appleton : Unfortunately, it only works at Christmas.

  Balki Bartokomous : Then I'm takin' it with us!

• Balki Bartokomous : I am busting my buttocks trying to make a nice Christmas for you... and all I get is bah hamburger. You're acting just like Ebenezer Stooge. I'm sorry you can't have Christmas at home with your family. What about me? You think I don't miss Christmas on Mypos with my family? Passing the Christmas bota bag... roasting radishes over an open fire.

• Balki Bartokomous : Happy birthday.

  [seeing Larry's confused look] 

  Balki Bartokomous : That's what we say on Mypos... because Christmas is not just Christmas turtles and presents it's also the birthday of baby Jesus.

  Larry Appleton : Yeah, I guess I... forgot that, too.

  Balki Bartokomous : Well, the sheepherders never forget it. We were the first ones to get the news, you know.