"Perfect Strangers" A Christmas Story (TV Episode 1986) - Mark Linn-Baker as Larry Appleton

Balki Bartokomous : You know what I can't understand? Why do American decorate trees instead of turtles?

Larry Appleton : Well, one good reason is a tree won't slowly crawl out of the living room.

Balki Bartokomous : That's what the Christmas lettuce is for.
Balki Bartokomous : [stunned after receiving a passionate kiss from Mary Ann] How did you make that happen?

Larry Appleton : Mistletoe. It's an old tradition. You hang it over the door and women *have* to kiss you.

Balki Bartokomous : What a gimmick! Why don't we hang it up all year long?

Larry Appleton : Unfortunately, it only works at Christmas.

Balki Bartokomous : Then I'm takin' it with us!
Balki Bartokomous : Happy birthday.

[seeing Larry's confused look]

Balki Bartokomous : That's what we say on Mypos... because Christmas is not just Christmas turtles and presents it's also the birthday of baby Jesus.

Larry Appleton : Yeah, I guess I... forgot that, too.

Balki Bartokomous : Well, the sheepherders never forget it. We were the first ones to get the news, you know.
Larry Appleton : You know, Balki, I thought I was missing Christmas with my family and my friends. But I'm not. You're here.
Larry Appleton : Balki, when they chopped that tree down, it was a mercy killing.

Mark Linn-Baker: Larry Appleton