- Mrs. Edwina Twinkacetti: [singing] Seven swans a swimming...
- Mary Anne: Six geese a laying...
- Balki Bartokomous: Five onion rings!
- Balki Bartokomous: On Dancer, on Prancer and on Donna Dixon! On Comet, on Cupid, on Reagan, on Nixon!
- Balki Bartokomous: You know what I can't understand? Why do American decorate trees instead of turtles?
- Larry Appleton: Well, one good reason is a tree won't slowly crawl out of the living room.
- Balki Bartokomous: That's what the Christmas lettuce is for.
- Balki Bartokomous: [stunned after receiving a passionate kiss from Mary Ann] How did you make that happen?
- Larry Appleton: Mistletoe. It's an old tradition. You hang it over the door and women *have* to kiss you.
- Balki Bartokomous: What a gimmick! Why don't we hang it up all year long?
- Larry Appleton: Unfortunately, it only works at Christmas.
- Balki Bartokomous: Then I'm takin' it with us!
- Balki Bartokomous: I am busting my buttocks trying to make a nice Christmas for you... and all I get is bah hamburger. You're acting just like Ebenezer Stooge. I'm sorry you can't have Christmas at home with your family. What about me? You think I don't miss Christmas on Mypos with my family? Passing the Christmas bota bag... roasting radishes over an open fire.
- Balki Bartokomous: Happy birthday.
- [seeing Larry's confused look]
- Balki Bartokomous: That's what we say on Mypos... because Christmas is not just Christmas turtles and presents it's also the birthday of baby Jesus.
- Larry Appleton: Yeah, I guess I... forgot that, too.
- Balki Bartokomous: Well, the sheepherders never forget it. We were the first ones to get the news, you know.
- Larry Appleton: You know, Balki, I thought I was missing Christmas with my family and my friends. But I'm not. You're here.