Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Bodyswap (1989)

Craig Charles: Lister, Rimmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lister : Oh, smeg. What the smegging smeg's he smegging done? He's smegging killed me.

• Lister : Hey guys, it's half ten, aren't we playing poker?

  Rimmer : Where have you been? Did you get the message?

  Lister : What message?

  Rimmer : One of the skutters has gone bananas, it's completely rewired the maintenance decks back to front and upside down, we've got over two thousand wiring faults, don't breath, don't touch anything. The whole ship's a gigantic booby trap.

  Lister : No poker then?

  Rimmer : We can't find the auto destruct system, it's wired up to something, but we don't know what, tell the Cat.

  Lister : It's taken me ages to mark these cards.

• Lister : [Rimmer & Lister are returned to their own bodies]  How many cigars did you get through, Rimmer? Me lungs feel like they've been through a cheese grater!

  Rimmer : Look, you've got your body back, leave me alone.

  Lister : I only have a couple of rollies a day! It feels like you've smoked an entire Cuban tobacco harvest!

  Rimmer : I had the odd one!

  Lister : No respect that's what. You've shown my body no respect whatsoever, you've treated it like smeg!

  [feeling his pecs] 

  Lister : Look, you've given me breasts. There's a distinct cleavage there! One week in my body and you've given me a bosom!

• Rimmer : You're getting porky.

  Lister : Porky?

  Rimmer : Last week when there was that lights failure in the engine room, your silhouette was cast onto the wall. I got the fright of my life - I thought it was Alfred Hitchcock.

• Kryten : He must be bluffing.

  Lister : Say he isn't, man?

  Cat : It's gastronomic terrorism. We can't stand by and let it happen.

• Lister : I think he means it, man. He's flipped. Must be cream-cake poisoning!