- [Vince is playing his accordian for Brenda]
- Brenda Morgenstern: Vince, this is so much trouble you go to. I mean, why lug your accordian all the way here when I can just put on some records or something?
- Vince Mazuma: Well, I thought it would turn you on.
- [Ida is getting ready to be examined by a doctor]
- Dr. Henry Gerber: How old are you?
- Ida Morgenstern: Guess.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Do you know how many patients I have waiting for me out there?
- Ida Morgenstern: I'll guess that when you guess my age.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: 50.
- Ida Morgenstern: 7.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: You're 57-years-old?
- Ida Morgenstern: No. I thought you had 7 patients waiting out there.
- [slight pause]
- Ida Morgenstern: I'm 52.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Thank you.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Have you had any social diseases?
- Ida Morgenstern: Social diseases? I don't know who brought you up, but I'm a lady, and you're not to use words like that in my presence.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Do you have any allergies?
- Ida Morgenstern: I'm allergic to little bottles.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Then I'll get you a big one.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Should we go into the examination room?
- Ida Morgenstern: Alright, where's the woman who's going to examine me?
- Dr. Henry Gerber: I'm going to examine you.
- Ida Morgenstern: You? Why?
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Why? Why do you think?
- Ida Morgenstern: Because I think you get your kicks from seeing a woman my age naked.
- Dr. Henry Gerber: Mrs. Morgenstern, I examine naked people all day long. I've been doing it for over 20 years.
- Ida Morgenstern: Aw, come on doctor, you mean to say if uh, you don't see an extrordinary body, you don't let that stethoscope linger a little?
- [while Vince and Brenda are kissing in the apartment, Rhoda knocks on the door. Brenda answers it]
- Rhoda Morgenstern Gerard: Aw, listen, I didn't mean to interrupt... I mean busting in on you and, uh...
- Brenda Morgenstern: ...Vince.
- Vince Mazuma: Hey, don't worry about it. If anything was really going on, we wouldn't have heard the knock.
- Ida Morgenstern: But you know Grandmother Morgenstern once said something very nice on the subject of old age... She said, "I'm not afraid of death because my life is not such a bargain."