- David: [Jackie is upset because she just got divorced] Come on, Jackie, who wouldn't want to go out with you?
- Jackie: That's easy for you to say, you little frizzy-haired Pollyanna. You talk to me after a year of marriage. After you've taken up smoking just to shave a couple of years off your miserable life.
- Roseanne Conner: My mother, and my sister, are both dating the same man... I think all that's left for this family is cannibalism.
- Beverly Harris: You know, Roseanne, you might want to come ballroom dancing too, it's great exercise.
- Roseanne Conner: Hey, I am not divorced, single *or* desperate, what the hell do I need to exercise for?
- [cuts a huge slab of chocolate cake]