Roseanne (TV Series)

Inherit the Wind (1989)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Crystal Anderson : I heard about Becky's accident, I'm so sorry.

  Roseanne : Yeah, we're thinking of having her put to sleep.

  Crystal Anderson : I got her a card.

  Roseanne : How touching, and strange.

  [later, to Dan] 

  Roseanne : You know they say there's a card for everything, what do you want to bet?

  Dan Conner : [reads the card]  I'll be damned.

• Darlene : Well, just as Becky completes the line, "I'd like to thank the student council for allowing me to speak my mind," it happened.

  Roseanne : What happened?

  Darlene : Becky... cut... the cheese.

• Darlene : Hey Mom, whatcha workin' on.

  Roseanne : Invoices. I'm ordering new children.

  Darlene : Yeah? Well, why don't we trade Becky in for a partially-tattooed, Latin boy of sixteen.

• Roseanne : Becky, what do you think of this dress?

  Becky Conner : Stick a few candles in it and make a wish.

• Darlene : [to Becky]  At least I'm not a drooling, boy-crazed nymphomaniac!

  Roseanne : Hey, leave me out of this!

• Roseanne : [seeing Becky come home from school]  Hey, I thought you had pep squad today.

  Becky Conner : [shouts in tears]  I'M QUITTING PEP SQUAD, I'M QUITTING SCHOOL, AND I'M NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN! AND IF ANYBODY CALLS ME, TELL THEM I'M DEAD!

  Dan Conner : Well, it must be serious. She's not taking phone calls.