- Roseanne Conner: How much has she had to drink?
- Dan Conner: Six fingers of bourbon and a very generous thumb.
- Darlene Conner: How can I tell them what the problem is when I don't know myself?
- Nana Mary: Darlene, you have to be patient with them.
- Nana Mary: [Roseanne and Jackie are freaking out about Bev not doing anything about Al cheating on her] When she comes to me for advice... I'll arrange to have him killed. But until she does, you have to understand she's scared, she's never had to live alone. Maybe it's the way I raised her, maybe I should blame myself... ah hell with that.
- Roseanne Conner: I made you a plate...
- Darlene Conner: I'm not really hungry.
- Roseanne Conner: Well good because I ate it an hour ago.
- Darlene Conner: So... still not smoking?
- Roseanne Conner: Oh yeah, I ate your pie too.
- Beverly Harris: Well, I think I'll set the table. Where's the good china?
- Roseanne Conner: Over at your house till the reading of the will.
- Nana Mary: You're sure guzzling down that wine, Beverly.
- Beverly Harris: It's my first glass, mother!
- Nana Mary: First glass my aching butt.
- Roseanne Conner: [Darlene enters the kitchen] Becky look! It's emerged from its cave! I hear you can train some of them to eat out of your hand.
- Roseanne Conner: [to DJ] You're still mashing the sweet potatoes?
- D.J. Conner: I'm trying to get the fly.
- Roseanne Conner: Eww, it is a big one, isn't it? Maybe we'll just put some raisins in it...
- Becky Conner: Mother!
- Roseanne Conner: Alright, throw that out and start over.
- Darlene Conner: I'm done with this fruit salad, here.
- [hands Becky a bowl with whole fruit in it]
- Becky Conner: Aren't you supposed to peel it first?