Roseanne (TV Series)

The Driver's Seat (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Dan Conner : [about the dishes]  Hey. Sorry those weren't done.

  Roseanne Conner : That's okay, Dan. I know there wasn't time to do the dishes *and* fall asleep in a puddle of drool.

  Dan Conner : D.J. said he'd do them after his homework.

  Roseanne Conner : Now, Dan, I think dishes should come *before* homework. If he doesn't learn how to do dishes now, how will he get a job when he finishes high school?

• Roseanne Conner : [about Leon at the diner]  You know, he thinks he's so nifty because he turned Jackie and Nancy against me. You know, well, I broke 'em; anyone can ride 'em.

• [after Roseanne spanks DJ] 

  Dan Conner : Look, Roseanne, what you just did in there, it's not that big a deal.

  Jackie Harris : Yes, it is. You're not helping, Dan. Look, I know what you feel like. You have gotta talk about this.

  Dan Conner : Hey, she doesn't need you making something out of nothing.

  Jackie Harris : You didn't grow up in our house.

  Dan Conner : This is different! The kid had it coming. He could've killed himself!

  Jackie Harris : She was out of control. It was just like Dad!

  Roseanne Conner : Why don't you both just SHUT UP and leave me alone!

• Roseanne Conner : I know right now you're feeling hurt and embarrassed...

  D.J. Conner : Wrong.

  Roseanne Conner : Well, that's the way I always felt after I got hit.

  D.J. Conner : Who hit you?

  Roseanne Conner : Your grandfather.

  D.J. Conner : Why?

  Roseanne Conner : I don't know, maybe I breathed.

  D.J. Conner : Did he hit you a lot?

  Roseanne Conner : Yeah, he did.

  [tears up] 

  Roseanne Conner : And the worst part of it was he never once said he was sorry, and I hated him for that. And I don't want you feeling that way about me, D.J.

  D.J. Conner : [hugs her]  I'm sorry you got hit, Mom.

• Nancy Bartlett : We voted that our bird should be the toucan.

  Roseanne Conner : Would you like to see the bird I voted for?

  [raises hand]