Roseanne (TV Series)

Tooth or Consequences (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• D.J. : [comes running in with a skinned knee]  It's really bad! I can see right through to the bone! Look how white it is!

  Roseanne : No, that's just your skin, D.J. You need to wear shorts more often.

• Jackie : Well, you go to a dental college, have a student work on it.

  Roseanne : Yeah, but with my luck, I'll get somebody who's in on a football scholarship.

• Roseanne : Whoa, Leon! The boss from Hell! You know the last time is saw you, you were stealing my tips to pay for that hair-wig.

  Leon Carp : Last time I saw you, you were standing there, leaning on the counter, doing nothing but sucking up the oxygen. Woo, deja vu!

• Jackie : [shouts]  You can't go screaming at Darlene!

  Roseanne : [shouts]  I sure can! If I don't start screaming at her, then she won't have no idea why she's getting strangled!

• Roseanne : [crying into a tissue]  I'm a lousy mother, aren't I, Jackie?

  Jackie : [tenderly and softly]  Nooooo. You're a great mother! You're loving, and protective. You're like one of those mother lions in the nature films, that carries her babies around by the back of the neck. 'Cept sometimes ya get a little rough, and you rip their heads off.

• Darlene : You know, do you ever think about my future? I don't get this. I though parents wanted their kids to be more successful than them.

  Roseanne : Well, of course your father and I want you to do better than us. Why do you think we spent our whole lives setting such a low standard!

• Roseanne : [about Dan's new job]  A job with the City! 315 sick days a year... plus Flag Day!

  Dan : [Dan and Roseanne high-five]  Good paying, medical insurance, and the best part is; since it's civil service, no matter how much I screw up... they can't fire me!