- Richard Oakley: [introducing himself] Oakley - classics.
- Laura Thyme: [Mocking his terseness] Boxer.
- Laura Thyme: Thyme - plants.
- Laura Thyme: [Clearing the fallen leaves to reveal a dead man] It's Simon Todd!
- Rosemary Boxer: Is he dead?
- Laura Thyme: You usually are when you've got a dirty great harpoon sticking in you!
- Laura Thyme: [pricking her finger on a rosebush] Oh!
- Rosemary Boxer: I told you! Gloves, you naana!
- [after a pause]
- Rosemary Boxer: Now you'll die of septicemea, and you never learned to change the wheels on the land rover.
- Laura Thyme: [muffled by the finger] Isn't there a test you can do?
- Rosemary Boxer: Pardon?
- Laura Thyme: [Removing finger from mouth] I said, isn't there a test you can do?
- Rosemary Boxer: Yes. It takes forever to get the results, and all it tells us is the plant is sick!
- Laura Thyme: [Realising Richard has sneaked up on them] Oh!
- Richard Oakley: Sorry - thirty years of sneaking up on maggots!
- Laura Thyme: You call the boys maggots?
- Richard Oakley: No, that's what they call themselves - you should hear what they call us!
- Rosemary Boxer: I do not believe you're a batterer of women, Richard.
- Richard Oakley: It's not an activity in which I routinely indulge.
- Richard Oakley: Look, for reasons I don't feel presently obliged to explain, I have fallen on my rusty sword, but I can still apologize like a gentleman.
- Richard Oakley: [Indicating a female teacher] This vision is Miss Wells
- Miss Wells: Which no-one ever calls me - they all call me Welly!
- Richard Oakley: I don't - but then I'm a million years old!
- Rosemary Boxer: [Spotting something in the raised flower bed] Oh, those boys and their practical jokes!
- [lifts up a hand]
- Laura Thyme: That's a hand!
- Rosemary Boxer: [looking it over] It's so utterly realistic!
- Laura Thyme: That's because... it's a *hand*!
- Rosemary Boxer: [Drops the hand] Okay - now I'm going to be sick!
- Laura Thyme: No you're not - move!