Tony Curtis: Guest Performer, Congressman Clayton Adams, Hamlet

Quotes 

• Dan Rowan : Hey Tony, did you see, eh, Chekov's Sea Gull?

  Tony Curtis : No, no. Why should I pay good money to see a movie about somebody else's bird?

• Judy Carne : Tony?

  Tony Curtis : Yes.

  Judy Carne : You've been abroad. Where's the American section in Paris?

  Tony Curtis : Well, the first ten rows of the Folies Bergere. And I've only been a broad in Some Like it Hot.

  Judy Carne : Oh, you devil.

• Alan Sues : Hey, they've done a white version and a black version of 'Hello, Dolly!' Next, they're gonna do a nude version and call it 'Hel-lo, Dolly!'

  Tony Curtis : Alan, go to your room!

• Tony Curtis : If you think The Boston Strangler was great, here's something that's gonna really choke you up,

  [laughs] 

  Tony Curtis : a station break.

• Tony Curtis : I just finished a long run on Broadway.

  Dan Rowan : Oh, really? What play?

  Tony Curtis : No play, a mugger chased me for thirty blocks.