- Jo Anne Worley: Boris really likes my new apartment, everything except for the dishwasher. Boris says that he has got to go.
- The Principal: Suzie, your dresses are too short, you're untidy, late to class, you talk too much, you run around with all the boys. What kind of a teacher are you?
- Maude Frickert: There's a lot of things for old folks to do, like go to the library after lunch and listen to the Reader's Digest.
- Jonathan Winters: You know, I just came from the Sixth Annual Hugh O'Brian Acting Award Competition.
- Dan Rowan: Oh yeah, what happened?
- Jonathan Winters: Aw, he lost again.
- The Parson: It's easy to prepare for Judgement Day. Just think of Bible studies as cramming for your finals.