- Nancie Phillips: Oh, Mr. Converse, I'm sure it's gonna be a great half hour.
- Tim Conway: My show's an hour.
- Nancie Phillips: Oh, well, there ought to be a good thirty minutes in there somewhere.
- Announcer: Don't forget to fail tuning in next week, folks, when we hear Ferd Berfel say to Frank Farkel:
- Ferd Berfel: That's a fine looking imposter you got there, Frank.
- Dennis Allen: A friend of mine graduated from the University of Hong Kong magna cum laude and an hour later he was dumb again.
- Johnny Brown: You know, I wish my job didn't give me so many headaches. Every time I open a new bottle of aspirin, I find myself picking cotton again.
- Announcer: [voice over] And now the Laugh-In news with special reports from Francis Bacon in Greece, Grant Stuffing in Turkey, Felix Frankfurter in Hamburg, David Frost in Chile.