- Ruth Buzzi: Janet, I heard that Raquel Welch was going to join the Women's Liberation Movement.
- Janet Leigh: Yes, but, eh, she figured by the time she'd finish burning her bra, the movement would be over.
- Johnny Brown: I bought my son some toy soldiers that were so realisitic, that on Christmas, a toy Bob Hope came to entertain them.
- Dan Rowan: Tonight, we're gonna take a look at what millions of Americans, young and old, do in their spare time.
- Dick Martin: You can't show that on television!
- Dan Rowan: I'm talking about the Mod World of Toys and Games.
- Dick Martin: Oh... .
- Dan Rowan: Do you realize how much money is spent in this country on dolls alone?
- Dick Martin: Well, if you get the right doll alone, it's worth it.
- Dick Martin: I love vegetables, good for ya. I grow them in my organic garden.
- Dan Rowan: You have an organic garden?
- Dick Martin: Yeah, there's an organ in it.
- Dan Rowan: Oh, come on! You don't have an organ in your garden.
- Dick Martin: You're right. I'm just kidding. I do have a string quartet in the bean patch, though.
- Dan Rowan: I'm sorry I mentioned it. I...
- Dick Martin: A stroling accordionist in the chilli peppers. They love "Lady of Spain".
- Dan Rowan: I don't wanna hear about it.