- Valerie: [to Harvey while surfing with his VR glasses on] Wow, that's amazing... You can look dorky in this realm *too*!
- Sabrina Spellman: Aunt Hilda, a bat just flew out of your mouth.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, how embarrassing. I have bat breath again.
- Zelda Spellman: Have you been eating pomegranates?
- Hilda Spellman: I know they don't agree with me, but I had a craving for crimson pulp. Is it bad?
- [bats squeaking]
- Valerie: Hi, Libby.
- Libby Chessler: Ew.
- Valerie: Why doesn't she like me?
- Sabrina Spellman: I'm thinking it's a thyroid problem.
- Valerie: Sabrina? Sabrina? Where did she go?
- Libby Chessler: A nerd ditched by a freak. It's like a movie of the week.
- Quizmaster Albert: [to Sabrina] Mortals don't have a lot of restraint when it comes to magic... or firearms. Quiz you later.
- Valerie: Hey. Pop out the way you popped in, with all that lightning-and-smoke stuff.
- Quizmaster Albert: [to Sabrina] See what I mean? I blame television.
- Valerie: My guy's funny, he can really move and he's so cute.
- Sabrina Spellman: The Dalai Lama can dance?
- Sabrina Spellman: Being a witch is so much more fun when you can tell your friends.
- Valerie: You're so lucky. The only secret I have is that I'm allergic to watermelon. Well, that's out.
- Hilda Spellman: [to Sabrina] This is a secret that's hard for mortals to accept. When I was younger, I was dating a doctor. You've probably heard of him.
- Sigmund Freud: [begin flashback] My little apple strudel.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh, Sigmund.
- Sigmund Freud: Are you ready for the opera, my dear?
- Hilda Spellman: Yes. But first, there's something that I must tell you.
- Sigmund Freud: Ah. Something about your childhood? You hate your mother, don't you?...
- Hilda Spellman: No.
- Sigmund Freud: Really? I hate your mother.
- Hilda Spellman: Today is Friday the 13th, and there's something that I get to share with you. Sigmund, my darling, I'm a witch.
- Sigmund Freud: Oh, well, you can be a little testy.
- Hilda Spellman: No, no. I have real magical powers.
- Sigmund Freud: Uh-huh. Can you show me these magical powers?
- Hilda Spellman: Well, you remember that pocket watch that you admired? For you, Siggy.
- Sigmund Freud: Get out of here. Witch. Witch. Take her out of here.
- Hilda Spellman: We can make it work.
- Sigmund Freud: This didn't happen. It was bad knackwurst. Ja, that's right.
- Hilda Spellman: [back to scene]
- [to Sabrina]
- Hilda Spellman: Once I got loose, I tripped him. You might say it was the first Freudian slip.
- Sabrina Spellman: [seeing Salem asleep on the settee] Oh he had some Friday the 13th.
- Zelda Spellman: Poor little guy, wore himself out.
- Hilda Spellman: Oh he looks so peaceful... should we?
- Salem Saberhagen: [with a spell cast and a loud air horn blasting, Salem jumps in terror and lands in the light shade] That's okay, I have another 8 lives. 7 after I fall down from here.