- Fred G. Sanford: I don't understand you kids today. If I had talked to my father the way you talk to me, you know what he'd have done?
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, he'd have given you one across the lip.
- Fred G. Sanford: That's right. And he would've continued on down from there. He whipped from the lips to the hips.
- Lamont Sanford: And you think that's the answer, huh?
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, it might not be the answer, but it sure was no question when he finished.
- Melvin: [Lamont opens the door, and he enters the house] Hello, Lamont. Hello, Fred.
- [sees the coffins in the living room, and immediately turns around]
- Melvin: Goodbye, Fred. Goodbye, Lamont!
- [Walks out the door, and Fred follows him]
- Fred G. Sanford: Melvin, wait a minute! Come back here!
- Fred G. Sanford: [after Lamont turned down Nelson B Davis's offer] You dummy! Why didn't to take that offer?
- Lamont Sanford: For $30? Pop, that's only five dollars profit, now I'm going to make a killing on these!
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, make two killings and get them both out of here!
- Fred G. Sanford: [Discussing the coffins] And they ain't goin' in the house!
- Lamont Sanford: Oh, yes they are!
- Fred G. Sanford: Oh, no they're not. Over my dead body.
- Lamont Sanford: Well, that's one sale we got.
- Fred G. Sanford: [Discussing the coffins] You know anyone around who can use one?
- Melvin: Well, if he can use it, he ain't no longer around.
- Lamont Sanford: This is ridiculous! You're ridiculous and I'm ridiculous for being out here with you!
- Fred G. Sanford: Then go back in the house.
- Lamont Sanford: Don't be ridiculous.
- Lamont Sanford: What do you say pop?
- Fred G. Sanford: Don't call me pop you don't sound like sound like no son of min you sound like the son of Frankenstein!
- Fred G. Sanford: What about when all them pigeons gathered on top of Mrs.Johnson House, and I told you that was a bad sign. I said Mrs.Johnson not going to be around long, and within a year She was dead.
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, Ms. Johnson was 97 years old
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, The Pigeons knew it
- Lamont Sanford: They Knew they had to take a rest. Pigeons can't fly forever.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, why they had to rest on top of her roof? You can't Answer that can you?