- Fred G. Sanford: Eathquakes on the coast, 120-degree temperatures on the desert; they oughtta change the name of California to Shake n' Bake, USA!
- Lamont Sanford: [after informing Fred that he "unsold" the house] I called the Johnsons while you were gone and told them what you were doing, and they said if we didn't give them their money back, they were going to sue us for misrepresentation. Apparently, there are laws against what you were trying to do.
- Fred G. Sanford: [Last lines]
- [after coming home from Vegas and lamenting how much he regrets overreacting over the earthquake that didn't hit, and after Lamont informed him the house was taken out of escrow per the demands of the Johnsons after he told them the truth, the earthquake does hit, and afterwards]
- Fred G. Sanford: Call the Johnsons back, and tell them I'll sell them the house for a thousand dollars!
- Lamont Sanford: [Grabs Fred's suitcases] Call them yourself!
- Fred G. Sanford: Where you going?
- Lamont Sanford: [Heading out the door] Las Vegas!
- Fred G. Sanford: [Rebuffing Lamont's fears of an earthquake damaging their home] This place is solid as a rock, a fortress, like they say, "in time the Rockies may tumble, Gibraltar may crumble, they only made of clay, but
- [spreading arms and bursting into song]
- Fred G. Sanford: my junk is here to stay"!
- Fred G. Sanford: [Starstruck Fred to Steve & Eydie] Listen, if you're ever in Los Angeles, feel free to call on me.
- Steve Lawrence: Thanks, but I'd rather use a phone.
- Lamont Sanford: They're predicting a massive earthquake on November 6.
- Fred Sanford: November 6? That's only five days away!
- Lamont Sanford: Don't worry about a thing, Pop, it's not possible.
- Grady Wilson: Oh I beg to differ with you, Lamont. Today is November 1, and it's extremely possible that November 6 is only five days away.
- Fred Sanford: Looky here. This is the bedroom.
- [Slams door]
- Fred Sanford: Second bedroom.
- [Slams door]
- Fred Sanford: Sun room.
- [Slams door]
- Fred Sanford: Bathroom.
- Lamont Sanford: HEY!
- Fred Sanford: Excuse me.
- [Slams door]