- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: [while ravenously eating Grady's wild parsley salad] That is delicious! Oughtta be a crime for a salad to be this good.
- Rollo Larson: In most states it is.
- Grady Wilson: [Stopping Esther as she begins looking over the garden] Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.
- Aunt Esther Anderson: Is that so?
- Grady Wilson: Yeah. He said just because he had planted a Garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.
- Lamont Sanford: [Thinking of what to do with the marijuana plants] We gotta think of some way to get rid of that stuff.
- Rollo Larson: Hey, don't worry, baby! I'll do it.
- Lamont Sanford: Wait a minute! I know - I'll burn it!
- Rollo Larson: That's exactly what I had in mind!
- Grady Wilson: [Perturbed at being pestered by Lamont while serving seconds of his salad] You wouldn't disturb the Wright Brothers when they were trying to fly?
- Lamont Sanford: That's exactly what I want to talk to you about!
- Lamont Sanford: [Lamont and Grady in the kitchen. Lamont explaining why the policemen can't stop eating so much of Grady's salad] Now just about everybody knows that one of the main side effects of using marijuana is the hungries or the munchies.
- Grady Wilson: Weren't they in "The Wizard of Oz"?
- Lamont Sanford: That was the Munchkins!
- Grady Wilson: Oooh, yeah. Didn't you just love that picture?
- Lamont Sanford: Grady, would you knock it off? This is no time for that.
- Grady Wilson: There was Dorothy and Toto and the Wicked Witch of the Watts.
- Lamont Sanford: Of the West, Grady!
- Rollo Larson: [enters the yard] Say, my man, what are you doing?
- Lamont Sanford: Hey, Rollo, what's happening, man? Look here, I want to ask you a question: uh... does that look like wild parsley to you?
- Rollo Larson: You mean, that marijuana?
- Rollo Larson: Say, look here baby, it's just about ready to be harvested, too!
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, well, just stay away from it, Rollo.
- Rollo Larson: Hey man, don't worry, there's enough for everybody!
- Lamont Sanford: Rollo, just stay away from it now! Now get in the house!
- [Lamont brings Rollo into the house]
- Rollo Larson: Now, we know we can't burn it.
- Lamont Sanford: No, we can't burn it, man.
- Rollo Larson: Yeah, and we can't wrap it up in a bundle with paper, because it would stick out like a sore thumb.
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, it would stick out like a sore thumb.
- Rollo Larson: Yeah, and somebody would find it.
- Lamont Sanford: Somebody would find it.
- Rollo Larson: So, here's what I'll do.
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah?
- Rollo Larson: Instead of wrapping it up in a huge piece of paper...
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah?
- Rollo Larson: And throwing it out, instead, I'll just get some little pieces of paper about this size, ya dig? And I'll take the marijuana little by little, and wrap it up in those little pieces of paper, hmm, and I'll get rid of it all, one by one.
- Lamont Sanford: It's right over here. Now, I want you to know, I'm bringing you over here as a friend, not as a policeman, and not in your official capacity. Now, I'm just gonna come right and be honest with you, and tell you - it's gone.
- Officer 'Smitty' Smith: What's gone?
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Well, Officer Smith, I think we should be a bit more official about this inquiry. Now, uh... what's gone?
- Lamont Sanford, Rollo Larson: [overlapping] It was the parsley. It was the wheelbarrow.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Hmm?
- Lamont Sanford, Rollo Larson: [overlapping] It was the wheelbarrow. It was the parsley.
- Lamont Sanford: It was a wheelbarrow full of parsley.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: [writes in his notepad] A wheelbarrow full of parsley. Now, that's not your everyday robbery.
- Lamont Sanford: Well, I guess whoever it belonged to must've come and taken it away, so it was a false alarm.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Now wait, why would anyone put parsley in a wheelbarrow?
- Rollo Larson: Well, I guess they wanted to make deliveries.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Make - All right, now did we establish that this wheelbarrow was full of parsley?
- Lamont Sanford: No, partially.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Partially full, or partially parsley?
- Lamont Sanford: Partially parsley.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: [writes in his notepad] Partially parsley.
- Rollo Larson: Possibly.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Possibly partially parsley.
- Lamont Sanford: Probably.
- Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Probably, possibly, partially parsley.
- Lamont Sanford: You're spending too much time out here in this garden, man. When was the last time you cleaned up the house? When was the last time you cooked? When was the last time you made up your bed?
- Grady Wilson: Um... I give up. When?
- Lamont Sanford: You see, that' s exactly what I mean, man. You're spending all your time out here in this garden, and the house is going to pot.