- Bubba Bexley: [Stopping Fred from relaxing in his chair] That's the worst thing you can do is get comfortable. What you need to do is to be around things that make you jumpy, things that annoy you, things that make your skin crawl.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, what are you waiting for? Call Esther!
- Lamont Sanford: Pop, you were never on the Harlem Globetrotters!
- Fred G. Sanford: Yes, I was. You just don't remember, because when I was dribbling with the Globetrotters, you were slam dunking in your diapers.
- Fred G. Sanford: I always get along swell with schoolteachers. I can't wait to meet her so I can clap her erasers.
- Bubba Bexley: [Fred pacing in front of the television] Fred, can you stand still? I can't see the movie, and it's my very favorite one, too: "The Giant Baboon Who Ate Rangoon at Noon in June with a Spoon."