- Weekend Update Anchor: Yesterday was Friday the 13th. Since our Gregorian calendar began in 1582, there have been 935 Fridays the 13th, which is only 14 less than the number of Friday the 13th movie sequels.
- Alex Cuchek: [a clip from the cop show "Smart Street"] Get out of my sight, Lopez, or so help me, I'll kick your rear end up and down this freaking block!
- Lopez: Hey man, I don't give a flying damn what you say, it's a bunch of flippin' B.S.!
- Alex Cuchek: Listen, you son of a gun, you know what you are? You're nothing but a little piece of bullcrud. You know what bullcrud is, don't ya? That's what you find in a field after a bull's been there. Now I'm going off to the W.C and when I get back, I want your rump outta here!
- Donna Maria Taniglietti: [cut back to the host of "Movers and Shakers"] Wow!
- Allen Brookmeyer: Now, the network wanted me to take out 'bullcrud' and have Cuchek say 'baloney'. Now, I can't have Alex Cuchek, a streetwize cop, saying 'baloney'. The language of the street is 'bulcrud'.
- Donna Maria Taniglietti: Certainly... certainly the streets I know.