- Weekend Update Anchor: Michael Jackson celebrated his 35th, eh, 35th birthday last Sunday in Singapore, and celebrated with a 13 year old...
- [turns page of paper on his desk as the audience starts to boo]
- Weekend Update Anchor: ... bottle of champagne.
- Larry King: You know, 30 years in this business, if I've learned one thing: give Poughkeepsie what they want.
- Larry King: Burt, the truth serum, how does it feel?
- Burt Reynolds: It's good stuff. It's a lot like booze. Man, I haven't had a drink in almost four hours.