Scrubs (TV Series)

My Bed Banter & Beyond (2002)

Ken Jenkins: Dr. Bob Kelso

Quotes 

• Dr. Bob Kelso : Enid has always understood how much my career meant to me. She knows I'm an important man in my field, and it helps her get on all those little boards of things her friends are on... you know, like, uh, bringing art to the underprivileged kids in the community, blah blah blah. When I first met her, uh, she wanted to be a psychiatrist, but, uh... we both decided that that wasn't a fitting profession for a family woman... no offense, sweetheart. I know she's grateful. She likes to joke that I...

  [imitating his wife] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : ..."choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, now she's just a shell of a woman."

  [laughs] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : I think that's so cute. I call her "Shelly"!

  [laughs more] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries a little.

• Dr. Perry Cox : [whistles] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Good morning, Dr Cox!

  Dr. Perry Cox : We are short-staffed today because Kelso has volunteered all of you scat monkeys for some psychologist's research project, give me a break, which means of course you won't be helping patients; instead... oh, you'll be blabbering about your feelings and what is like working in the hospital and how that affects your personal lives and wah, wah, wah!

  [Kelso approaches] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : And there he is now, oh, big Bob-o himself. Ok;

  [whistles] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : all nurses and interns let's gather around and dance for the puppet master.

  [starts to dance like a puppet] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh yes, dance!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : It's not just the nurses and interns...

  Dr. Perry Cox : [freezed in the dance]  Don't be that guy, Bob...

• Dr. Kelso : When the Kelsonoviches settled in Monroeville, P.A., there were two steel mills, three bars, not a doctor in sight. Then, my old man set up a shingle and started delivering babies and stitching up three-fingered steel men by the wagon-load.

  [smiling] 

  Dr. Kelso : Everybody loved him. When they couldn't come up with the cash, he would always gladly accept a handmade sweater or a bushel of turnips.

  [smile withers] 

  Dr. Kelso : Jackass.