Scrubs (TV Series)

My Best Moment (2004)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : Newbie, you never promise a patient that they're gonna be fine.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Mr Milligan? His blood pressure's little low, he just has mono.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, for God's sakes, Newbie... take a look around, would you? Please... what's the difference between your Mr Milligan and every other patient in this ICU? And if the answer to that question is that he's the only one young enough to have never made a phone call like this: "Briing! Hallo? Operetah? Gimme Stuyvesant hohive-hohive-hohive", then you would be right. But since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement, I'll just tell you this: God hates doctors, He truly does. You see all these old people in here? Well, any of them'd give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet, but most are gonna stay and live forever and ever and ever; and your Mr Milligan... well, it turns out he's just young enough to die. I mean, think about it... it's the holidays; there's a sweet little kid involved... can't you just feel it?

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : So even though Dr. Mickhead actually delivered the kid, yours truly rang in the new year with grandma!

  [the students stare at him] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : We had sex.

  [He does a wild arm motion] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : That's how I do it.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Already done.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Well, I'd scan his head.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I already ordered it.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [J.D. jerks at a cord around his neck, the dentures dangling from it]  That I will not do!

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Turk! Hey! If you go talk to Kelso for me, I'll give you this special Christmas gum.

  [He holds the pack up] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  Okay, this is actually Mrs. Cross's medicated denture gum? So you have to sell it with your eyes. Sell it... . Sell it...!

  Turk : [Turk eyes the pack suspiciously until he catches J.D.'s convincing expression]  Okay!

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : So, basically it's a topical application consisting of equal parts triethanolamine and phenyl dimethicone.

  [He motions to his hair] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I suggest applying it twice a day for extra hold.

• Nurse Carla Espinosa : [J.D. enters with an ice cream cone]  Hey! You brought Tyler a new ice cream cone!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Beat]  Sure... .

  Tyler : [J.D. reluctantly hands over the cone]  Thanks.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [downtrodden]  It's a waffle cone.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I feel like we're missing something in his patient history.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : When he came in, Mr. Milligan said that he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : We should also check him for the silly-willies.