Scrubs (TV Series)

My Lucky Night (2003)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Elliot Reid : [to herself]  What's wrong with me? Here I am, trying not to let fear rule my life anymore, and then... Sean moves away and i don't even have the guts to tell him how I feel...

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [to himself]  ... how I feel. I mean, life's too short not to go for it with Elliot. Plus, now Sean's out of the picture. Stop being such a chicken!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [to himself]  Stop being suck a chicken! I know it's a complicated procedure, but I can do it without Carla, there. What am I so scared of?

  Dr. Perry Cox : [to himself]  What am I so scared of? That I might actually get this job and have no one to blame it on if I fail? Good Lord, I'm pathetic... When was the last time...

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : [to herself]  When was the last time he ever apologized for anything? I wanna help him, I do... but in a lot of ways I guess I'm as stubborn as he is. I wish I could make sense out of this...

  The Janitor : [to himself]  I wish I could make sense out of this. 30 cents, to be exact... damn riddle! Easy, Janitor... you'll get this.

• Dr. Bob Kelso : Well, well well... snip my pickle and call me Shlomo! You're not actually applying for residency director?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, I don't know, Bob. Here I Like to think I've accomplished plenty of things much more difficult than this. Why, just yesterday morning I somehow managed to hack into your voice-mail and change the outgoing message to "Hi, this is Big Bob. Why, I'm not in right now, but at the beep leave your name and your penis size".

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Perry, have you ever wondered why you've never risen above clinical staff at this hospital? I mean, come on, pal... who do you think the board listens to concerning promotions around here? Why don't I tell you after the beep?

  Dr. Jeffrey Steadman : Beep!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Bob Kelso. Ten inches.

  Dr. Jeffrey Steadman : It's like a baguette...

• Dr. Perry Cox : Say, Newbie, seeing as you are partially responsible for me being the new residency director, I'm gonna go ahead and give you the rest of the night off. I--I--I--I don't know, it's just kind of my own personal way of saying... I can't actually stand the sight of you. Ha.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Uh, listen, while I have you here -- I'm applying for a fellowship, and I could really use a letter of recommendation. I was thinking that, when you wrote it, instead of using a girl's name you could refer to me as "Dr. Dorian." I think it sounds a little more professional and, frankly, each time you call me a girl's name, I die a little inside.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Look, Janice, Denise, Tiffany Amber Thiiiieeeessen! Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry's Perspective. One: If someone's standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called "Bring back the porn!" Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor -- nay, respected as a man -- is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.

  [Addressing a body bag being wheeled past] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Isn't that right, spike?

  [to J.D] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I should get that tattooed on my neck.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Just a real nice helmet, there, princess.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Actually, it's not a helmet, it's a Hairmet -- it has extra room so you don't mess up your hairdo.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Fair enough. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testicles; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Our nanny just walked out the door. Gimme a break -- she's experienced, she has great credentials... .

  Jordan : Oh, no, no, she's got great, huge, perky credentials. She's out.

• Dr. Perry Cox : I've actually been thinking about going after that residency director job.

  Jordan : Residency director?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Yeah-heah!

  Jordan : But Perry, you realize if you did that, you would be taking a positive step in your life.

  Dr. Perry Cox : I... I know.

  Jordan : Quick: First place we made love?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oh, gimme a break. We've never... "made love."

  Jordan : Whew, it is you. I'm so proud I could poo.