- Dr. Kevin Casey: Damn roof toilet's got my number.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Can't lick it, huh?
- Dr. Kevin Casey: Oh, God, no! I can't even sit on it!
- J.D.: What's wrong?
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Kevin left. Didn't even say goodbye.
- J.D.: Elliot, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dogg Intern...
- Intern: Where my hos at?
- J.D.: I haven't seen them.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap?
- [raises thumbs, pointing inwards]
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.
- Janitor: [Speaking to a line leading up to the roof toilet] Okay, look, attention roof-poopers! Setting aside for a moment the fact that I'm gonna make sure that you all live to regret this day, let's keep the magic rolling -- let's not tell anyone else that there's a toilet on the roof.
- [the Todd comes in, and the Janitor spins to turn his attention to him]
- Janitor: There is not a toilet on the roof!
- Todd: But you just said there was.
- Janitor: No! Yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor... uhh... that means..."God is watching us." You've heard this, "There's a toilet on the roof."
- [turning to the line]
- Janitor: Right? People?
- Nurse Roberts: [They all nod and agree] That's right, ain't nothing up there.
- Todd: [beat] Cool.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Turk wants to ask you something, and it would mean a lot to the both of us if you said yes.
- J.D.: [Voice over] Oh, my God! WOULD I have a threesome with Turk and Carla? Well, it's certainly flattering, and I don't think they'd tell anyone...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Will you be my best man?
- J.D.: [disappointed] Oh.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Huh?
- J.D.: I mean, YEAH! Of course!
- Dr. Kevin Casey: If there's something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient or... copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up roadblocks, just know you can drive right through 'em.
- Dr. Perry Cox: [after proudly re-learning to how intubate a patient] Well done, there, Barbie. You're now exactly where you were three years ago.