Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Opposite (1994)

Dedee Pfeiffer: Victoria

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's all been wrong.

  Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

  George Costanza : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted... and a cup of tea.

  Elaine Benes : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

  Jerry Seinfeld : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, because salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.

  George Costanza : [Sarcastically]  Good for the tuna.

  Elaine Benes : [a blonde looks at George]  Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.

  George Costanza : So what? What am I supposed to do?

  Elaine Benes : Go talk to her.

  George Costanza : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.

  George Costanza : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.

  Jerry Seinfeld : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

  George Costanza : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

  George Costanza : [He goes over to the woman]  Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.

  Victoria : Oh, yes I was. You just ordered the same exact lunch as me.

  George Costanza : [Takes a deep breath]  My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

  Victoria : I'm Victoria. Hi.

• Victoria : Are you sure you don't want to come up? I mean, it's only 9:30.

  George Costanza : I don't think we should. We really don't know each other very well.

  Victoria : Who are you, George Costanza?

  George Costanza : I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.