The Simpsons (TV Series)
A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)
Harry Shearer: Lenny Leonard, Marty, Mr. Burns, Dr. Hibbert, Jasper, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers
Quotes
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Kent Brockman : [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town] They tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Comere a minute."
Homer Simpson : [watching the TV with Bart] Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, comere a minute.
Bart : You comere a minute.
Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah?
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[the residents of Old Springfield discover gold in the river after Homer turns off the dam]
Kent Brockman : Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.
[muffled laughter is heard in the background]
Kent Brockman : What?
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Kent Brockman : The Who will be playing tonight at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena.
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Mr. Burns : [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?
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Homer : I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.
[on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"]
Homer : Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...
[checking his hand]
Homer : ...Carl?
Carl : I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Homer : What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Carl : What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.
Lenny : Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Homer : Not a single word of warning.
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Mayor Quimby : [Homer dams Olde Springfield's water source] They got us now. Without water, we're doomed.
Principal Skinner : Wait a minute. What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?
Dr. Hibbert : Why, that's gold.
Mr. Burns : We're slightly richer!
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Bart : [at the nuclear power plant] Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.
Homer : Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does without electricity.
[watching the power in Olde Springfield go out]
Homer : Whoo hoo!
Nurse : [at Springfield Hospital] Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark.
Dr. Hibbert : Sounds like a wager to me.
Krusty : [the patient] I'll take a piece of that.
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Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...
[an automated voice dubs in "your town"]
Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.
Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.
Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"
[opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out]
Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?
Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing] Of course you're not.
Lenny : [the film ends] Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
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Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!
Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?
Homer : Well, I...
[trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens]
Homer : Huh?
[trying a few more times]
Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.
Bart : It worked on the test corpse.
Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!
Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out] Viva la revolucion!
Homer : Now who's stupid?
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Homer : Now, I'm not one to make trouble, but it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old, or "classic", 636 area code, lives on...
[accusingly]
Homer : ...the rich side of town!
Mr. Burns : Ooh, poppycock.
Mrs. Vanderbilt : [insulted] I never!
[her companion's monocle falls into his martini]
Homer : And, as usual, we Joe 12-packs get the royal screw job.
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Mayor Quimby : I say the time for bitterness has passed. Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield the olive branch of...
Homer : [hitting him with a can of Duff] New Springfield rocks!
Principal Skinner : Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird.
Homer : Oh, yeah? What is it?
Principal Skinner : The bluebird.
Homer : [unable to come up with something better] Damn it.
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Kent Brockman : As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule is a disaster.
Homer : Hey, the TV man is talking about us!
Kent Brockman : A study shows their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.
Homer : How the hell did they find that out?
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Marty : Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.
Gary Coleman : [recording] What'chu talkin' about?
Marty : Whoa-ho. What we're talking about, Gary, is the Who!
Bill : We're giving away tickets to next week's concert at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena!
Homer : The Who? I love bands!
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Mr. Burns : Smithers, why did you iron a crease in these dungarees? I look like a square.
Waylon Smithers : Uh, that crease is in your leg, sir.
Mr. Burns : Oh, so it is.
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Principal Skinner : It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.
Edna Krabappel : [hearing music in the distance] What's that?
Captain McAllister : [looking outside with a sextant] Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!
Moe : Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.
Sideshow Mel : Who's ready to riot?