The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass (2005)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Rich Texan, Santa's Little Helper, Hans Moleman
Quotes
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Homer Simpson : The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was!
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Homer Simpson : [being asked to produce the Super Bowl halftime show] At last, my pathetic little life has a meaning.
[giggling]
Homer Simpson : You suckers! I would've done it for free!
Rich Texan : Fine, do it for free.
Homer Simpson : Damn it! Well, I'll still do it.
[chuckling]
Homer Simpson : Suckers. I would've paid you.
Rich Texan : Fine, pay us.
Homer Simpson : Oh, damn it! Will you take a check?
Rich Texan : No!
Homer Simpson : Damn it!
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Homer Simpson : I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.
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Homer Simpson : Welcome to the Homer Simpson Showboating Academy. Today, we're working on poor sportsmanship. First, I want you all to hurl a ball at the nearest authority figure.
[two basketballs, a football, and an ice skate are thrown at him]
Homer Simpson : Nicely done.
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Homer Simpson : Honey, I bet you're wondering why Daddy's not at work again. The answer may surprise you. I have a new job choreographing end-zone dances for a professional football player.
Lisa Simpson : Looks like all you're teaching is is obnoxiousness and poor sportsmanship.
Homer Simpson : Don't forget showboating. That's the cornerstone of my Pyramid of Success.
[indicating a Food Pyramid-type drawing on the wall]
Homer Simpson : Ooh, I forgot crotch-grabbing. That'll be the sun.
[he draws a picture of the sun with "crotch-grabbing" inside and tapes it above the pyramid]
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Homer Simpson : After you prance across the goal line, you hurl the other team's mascot to the ground and drive your cleats into his neck.
[shaking his fist at the opposing team's leprechaun mascot]
Homer Simpson : You're going down, you potato-eatin' pansy!
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Principal Skinner : Step right up and bid on items donated by local businesses.
Homer Simpson : Oh, I only got $100. I better bid shrewdly.
Principal Skinner : First up is this video camera.
Homer Simpson : $100!
Ned Flanders : $100.50!
Principal Skinner : Sold!
Homer Simpson : Damn it!
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Lisa Simpson : I used to love Springfield Park, but it's gotten so run-down.
Homer Simpson : [seeing a sign with certain faded letters] Ohhh, the prid is gone!
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LeBron James : Homer, this is LeBron James. The fans love my dunks, but they hate my dancing.
[the crowd boos as he tries to dance]
Homer Simpson : I think I can fit you in.
[going over a list of clients]
Homer Simpson : Let's see... Lenny, can I move you from Wednesday at noon to Sunday at 6:00?
Lenny : Homer, you know that's when I play with neighborhood dogs.
Homer Simpson : All right, all right, I'll work it out.