- [Bart is crank calling Moe's Tavern. Moe answers the phone]
- Moe: Moe's Tavern.
- Bart: Is Mr. Freely there?
- Moe: Who?
- Bart: Freely. First initials, I. P.
- Moe: Hold on, I'll check.
- [Turns towards bar patrons]
- Moe: Uh, is I.P. Freely here?
- [after no reply, Moe yells across the barroom]
- Moe: Hey, everybody, I pee freely!
- Mr. Burns: [to Homer] You're not as stupid as you look... or sound... or our best testing indicates.
- Homer Simpson: Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again.
- Homer: Friends, you have come to depend on me as your safety watchdog. So you won't scrape yourself, or stub your toes, or blow yourselves up. But you can't depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us, and I'm going to have to live without your respect and awe. The only reason I'm telling you is, I'm going to be leaving you... But don't worry, I've just been appointed the new Safety Inspector at this very plant, and a big fat raise!
- Marge Simpson: [gasp] Homer! How could you think of killing yourself? We love you!
- Lisa Simpson: Yeah, dad, we love you!
- Homer Simpson: Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do!
- Loaftime Announcer: Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be back with more tips on how to win the lottery after this.
- Marge Simpson: There there, Homer. You'll find a job. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back.