- Lisa Simpson: Lenny and Carl? You guys are Buddhist?
- Carl: Oh, yeah. If I didn't have inner peace, I'd go completely psycho on all you guys all the time.
- Lisa Simpson: Well, I'm looking for a new faith, one that isn't so materialistic.
- Richard Gere: Well, you've come to the right place. Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by desire.
- Lisa Simpson: Richard Gere?
- Lenny: Ooh! The world's most famous Buddhist.
- Richard Gere: Well, what about the Dalai Lama?
- Carl: You know, the fourteenth incarnation of the Buddha Avalokesvara?
- Lenny: Who's Buddha?
- Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass.
- [Homer is singing while flossing his teeth]
- Homer Simpson: When you have a rib-eye steak, you must floss it. Oh, that meatloaf tasted great. You must floss it. Now, floss it. Floss it good.
- Marge: So you're saying that I should bribe Lisa back to Christianity?
- Rev. Lovejoy: Sure. You could save a lot more souls with roller-skates and Easy-Bake ovens, than with this.
- [lifts Bible]
- Rev. Lovejoy: 2000-page sleeping pill.
- Richard Gere: Buddhists respect the diversity of other religions. As long as they're based on love and compassion.
- Lisa Simpson: [reading a Buddhist pathlet on her bed] "Nirvana is achieved through right views and right speech. Positive actions lead to happiness; and negative actions leads to unhappiness. No creator gods. Just the pursuit of enlightenment."
- Lisa Simpson: [a moment later... ; shouting out of the window, five birds come out from the left tree] I'm a Buddhist!
- [Homer is setting up a rocket Bart purchased]
- Bart: This is gonna be cool.
- Milhouse Van Houten: And also educational. We can learn about science.
- Homer: Science.
- Bart: Uh... he didn't say 'science', he said... 'pie pants'
- Homer: Mmmm... pie pants...
- Marge: So you're saying that I should bribe Lisa back to Christianity?
- Rev. Lovejoy: Sure. You could save a lot more souls with roller-skates and Easy-Bake ovens, than with this
- [lifts Bible]
- Rev. Lovejoy: 2000 page sleeping pill.