The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson (1997)

Tress MacNeille: Brown-Haired Cadet, Orderly

Quotes 

• Orderly : [answering a phone call]  Simpson.

  Grampa Simpson : Hot diggity! I don't care if it's bad news.

  Lisa : Oh, Grampa, you're not busy, are you?

  Grampa Simpson : Well, you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges.

  [later] 

  Grampa Simpson : And I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning, I resigned my commission in the Coast Guard. The next thing I heard, there was civil war in Spain.

  [even later] 

  Grampa Simpson : And that's everything that happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call.

  Lisa : Uh-huh. So, anything else you wanna talk about?

  Grampa Simpson : Oh, I'm afraid I'd just be repeating myself, honey. Anyway, other people need to use the phone.

  Jasper : [the other retirees express their disinterest]  Mm-mm. I've already talked to her for twenty damn minutes.

• Bart Simpson : Cleaning graffiti off a statue makes a mockery of everything I stand for. I don't think I can survive here, Lise.

  Lisa : That's how they want you to feel. But if you just hang in there, they'll eventually accept you.

  Brown-Haired Cadet : Get to work! I wanna see my face in that horse's ass!

• The Commandant : This is now the girls' barracks. So pack your things. You're moving in with Company L.

  Brown-Haired Cadet : Company L? But they smell!

  The Commandant : Yes, we've all heard the chant. Now, fall out!

• Cadet : I can't believe they let a girl in.

  Brown-Haired Cadet : Don't worry. We'll drive her out of the academy. That is why God created hazing.