The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Springfield Files (1997)

Harry Shearer: Lenny, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Jasper, Dr. Hibbert, Alien, Marvin the Martian, Frogs, Kent Brockman, Ned Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy, T-Shirts Clerk

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alien : I bring you love.

  Lenny : It's bringing love, don't let it get away!

  Carl : Break its legs.

  [everyone starts to advance on the alien] 

  Lisa : Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien.

  [Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state] 

  Mr. Burns : [in a high-toned voice]  Hello, children. I bring you love.

  Willy : Argh. It's a monster. Kill it, kill it!

  Smithers : It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns!

  Willy : Aww, it's Mr. Burns! KILL IT! KILL IT!

• Mr. Burns : So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?

  Smithers : What?

  Mr. Burns : You know, light and fancy free. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Smithers is on the town.

  Smithers : Oh. Of course.

• Rev. Lovejoy : I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died... only to come back to life. And his name was: E.T., the extra-terrestrial. I love that little guy.

• Kent Brockman : The alien has appeared in the same Springfield pasture the past two Friday nights. Will it appear again this Friday? The entire Channel 6 news team will be there, except for Phil, the boom mike operator, who's getting fired tomorrow.

  [boom mike hits Kent] 

  Kent Brockman : Very unprofessional, Phil.

• Frog 1 : Bud...

  Frog 2 : ...Wei...

  Frog 3 : ...Ser

  Frog 1 : Bud...

  Frog 2 : ...Wei...

  Frog 3 : ...Ser

  [an alligator snatches them in his mouth] 

  Alligator : Coors!

• Alien : I bring you peace.

  Homer : As a representative of planet Earth, let me be the first to say...

  [realizing his leg is on fire, he screams and tries to put it out] 

  Homer : [the alien leaves]  D'oh! It's gone. And we still don't have any proof.

  Bart Simpson : [holding up Flanders' camcorder]  Oh, yes, we do. I got it all on tape.

• Kent Brockman : Tonight, on "Eyewitness News," a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.

  Coma patient : [in his hospital bed]  Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?

  Kent Brockman : No. Uh, she won an Oscar, and he's a congressman.

  Coma patient : Good night!

  [his heart rate monitor flatlines] 

  Kent Brockman : [back in the studio]  But first, E.T. phone Homer... Simpson, that is.

  Homer : Marge! Kids! They're about to show my videotape.

  Kent Brockman : Local man Homer Simpson, shown here with his tongue stuck to a lamppost, has given us this videotape. It's a close encounter of the blurred kind.

• Homer : Please, don't hurt me.

  Alien : Don't be afraid.

  Homer : [as he yells, he runs through a field of grass, spelling out the word]  YAHHH!

• Homer : TGIF. Guys, I'm off to Moe's.

  Lenny : But, Homer, it's 10:00 in the morning.

• Bart Simpson : Well, Lise, what do you think about the alien now?

  Lisa : I think there must be a more logical explanation, and I think the people of this town aren't going to be won over by three seconds of videotape.

  Homer : [hearing the doorbell, he opens the front door to see a group of townspeople outside]  Uh... I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions at all.

  [Dr. Hibbert raises his hand] 

  Homer : Dr. Hibbert?

  Dr. Hibbert : Yes, is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based?

  Homer : Uh... the second one. Zilliphone. Next question.

  Barney : Is the alien Santa Claus?

  Homer : Uh... yes.

  Ned Flanders : Uh, were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?

  Homer : This interview is over!

  [as he goes back inside and slams the door, said weather vane falls to the ground] 

• Scully : Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup and tell us if any of these are the aliens you saw.

  Alf : [in line with Marvin the Martian, Chewbacca, either Kang or Kodos, and Gort from "The Day the Earth Stood Still"]  Yo!

  Homer : No, I'm sorry.

  Marvin the Martian : [grumbling as they all leave]  Oh, this makes me very angry.

• Alien : I bring you love.

  Dr. Hibbert : Is that the love between a man and a woman? Or the love of a man for a cuban cigar?

  Alien : Uh... I bring you love.

• Mr. Burns : A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. And now that I'm back to normal, I don't bring you peace and love. I bring you fear, famine, pestilence, and...

  Dr. Nick Riviera : Time for a booster!

  Mr. Burns : Good morning starshine...

• Bart : Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?

  Leonard Nimoy : Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.

  Bart : [flippantly]  Uh-huh.

  Hot Dog Vendor : Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?

  Leonard Nimoy : Surprise me.

• Jasper : Thank god it's Wednesday.

  [takes his pills] 

  Mrs. Glick : It's Friday.

  Jasper : [looks at his empty cup]  Uh-oh... wrong pills.

  [Jasper sprouts hair until he looks like an old sasquatch] 

  Jasper : Little help?