The Simpsons (TV Series)
Treehouse of Horror V (1994)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Homer Simpson : [chops down a door a la The Shining] Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!
[there's no one in the room]
Homer Simpson : D'oh!
[chops down another door]
Homer Simpson : Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid Letterman!
Grandpa Simpson : Hi, David, I'm Grampa.
Homer Simpson : D'oh!
[chops down another door and holds a stopwatch]
Homer Simpson : I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!
Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
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Lisa : Bart, does it strike you as odd that Uter disappeared and suddenly they're serving us this mysterious food called "Uterbraten"?
Principal Skinner : Oh relax kids, I've got a gut feeling Uter's around here somewhere hahahahaha, after all isn't there a little Uter in all of us? hahahaha... hahaha, in fact, you might even say we just ate Uter, and he's in our stomachs... right now! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Wait, scratch that one.
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Lisa : Mom! Mom! You gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!
Marge Simpson : Listen, kids - you're eight and ten years old now; I can't be fighting all your battles for you.
Bart Simpson : But, mom!
Marge Simpson : Nobuts! You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say 'Don't eat me'.
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Lisa Simpson : Are we taking the new Nexus to aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
Homer Simpson : Hmm, fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan, WOO HOO! I hit the jackpot! Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge Simpson : Donut? What's a donut?
[Homer screams in horror and runs back to the time machine. Right after he leaves, it starts raining donuts]
Marge Simpson : Hmm. It's raining again.
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Marge : [Bart awakens from a nightmare] Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back home with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of... except that fog that turns people inside out.
Bart : Huh?
Homer : [the fog starts coming in] Uh-oh, it's seeping in. STUPID CHEAP WEATHER STRIPPING!
[everyone screams as the fog turns them inside out; then they stop screaming, looking at each other. Music plays, and they start dancing and singing]
Marge , Bart , Homer , Lisa : One chorus line of people, dancing till they make us stop!
Groundskeeper Willie : [Willy, also turned inside out, jumps on stage] Too...!
Marge , Bart , Homer , Lisa , Groundskeeper Willie : Many dancing people, covered in blood, gore, and glop!/Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out!/It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you've read about!/Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in, the family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine!/Happy Halloween!
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Lisa Simpson : Dad, look!
[holds TV up]
Homer Simpson : Television! Teacher, mother...
Homer Simpson : [lustily] ... secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading - rising! Fading... fading... gone.
[family sighs]
Homer Simpson : Come, family. sit in the snow with daddy and let us all bask in TV's warm glowing warming glow.
[Hours later, everyone is frozen]
man introducing Tony Awards : [on TV] Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!
Bart Simpson : [with difficulty] Homer... change channel.
Homer Simpson : Can't! Frozen!
[music on TV: "One chorus line of people...?]
Homer Simpson : [family screams]
Homer Simpson : Urge to kill... rising...
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Homer Simpson : [Homer is slowly being driven mad by the lack of beer and TV at the lodge] I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!
Marge Simpson : Homer!
Homer Simpson : Sorry. Sorry. Don't worry. There's plenty I can do to keep myself occupied. Maybe I'll check out that axe collection?
[he leaves the kitchen but then pokes his head around the door jamb with a sinister smile]
Homer Simpson : See ya later.
Lisa Simpson : Mom, is Dad gonna' kill us?
Marge Simpson : [not too concerned yet] We're just gonna' have to wait and see.
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Homer Simpson : Hey, where is everybody?
Bart Simpson : Hey, there's a bug that looks like Dad. Let's kill it!
Lisa Simpson : OK.