- Oscar Goldman: Look pal, I dropped everything and high-tailed it out here because you... you imagined that you saw...
- Col. Steve Austin: [interrupting] Well, what I'm starting to imagine is that the three people I trust most in the world are gaslighting me!
- Barney Miller: Did you really think that when the great Oscar Goldman pushed one of his little buttons and ordered up you, his brand new bionic gadget, did you really think he ordered only one of a kind?
- [pause]
- Barney Miller: Wrong.
- Dr. Rudy Wells: [shouting] This is lunacy!
- Barney Miller: [turns round in door opening] You put me together, Rudy. The nuts, the bolts, the wires. Tell me, can the machine be more lunatic than those who created it?
- Dr. Rudy Wells: So you played a little patty-fingers with my head nurse there for a while, huh?
- Col. Steve Austin: Well, Rudy, while you were rebuilding me into something other men weren't, Oscar was convincing me that I'd be better and stronger and so forth, why, Carla was there you know, all those days and nights that I spend staring up at the hospital ceiling, she was there...
- Oscar Goldman: Steve, your friendship is most important to me.
- Col. Steve Austin: Oscar, I don't lie to my friends.
- Oscar Goldman: There are times when I have to lie.
- Barney Miller: Everytime it gets cold out, this arm starts creaking. Had it back at Doc Wells three times now.
- Col. Steve Austin: Relax, Barney. Like I said, you'll do fine.
- Barney Miller: Fine? Yeah, were both just fine. A couple of carefully engineered deadly weapons by Mr. Oscar Goldman out of Dr. Rudy Wells.
- Barney Miller: What did you cost?
- Col. Steve Austin: Six million.
- Barney Miller: Six?
- [taps chest]
- Barney Miller: Seven.
- Col. Steve Austin: Well, old inflation gets us all.
- Barney Miller: [laughs] Listen to the man, Rudy. Astronaut, world famous, authentic physical miracle. Probably still buys his wrist watches at the Air Force PX. Listen Stevie boy, when you got it, you don't flaunt it, man, you use it!
- Col. Steve Austin: Barney, the adrenaline's flowing, you're feeling good. Don't get carried away.
- Barney Miller: [raised voice] Away! That rhymes with pay and that stands for... Oscar.
- Oscar Goldman: [holding a file marked Most Secret] You want me to take seven million dollars worth of bionic perfection and toss it down the drain, huh?
- [tosses file on table]
- Col. Steve Austin: Well I got one advantage over you there, Oscar, I don't care about the seven million dollars.
- Barney Miller: You know what's really driving me nuts?
- Col. Steve Austin: What?
- [knocks Steve down]
- Barney Miller: You're what's driving me nuts, Stevie boy. Because you made it, and I can't.
- Oscar Goldman: You know, pal. I never did realize how special you are. You really are one of a kind. I mean it. I'm not talking about my cyborg plans or Rudy's technology. I guess what I'm trying to say is... it's the kind of man that you are.
- Col. Steve Austin: You know what, Oscar? That's - that's very flattering. How 'bout a raise?