Soap (TV Series)

Episode #1.9 (1977)

Harold Gould: Barney Gerber

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Gerber : You and the quarterback? And you and a priest? And you and a married congressman? And I thought Jews liked to suffer.

• Corinne Tate : I'm in love... with a priest.

  Barney Gerber : Vey iz mir!

  Jodie Dallas : Who?

  Corinne Tate : Father Timothy Flotsky. The closest I ever get to him is in the confessional. How's that for an impossible relationship?

• Jodie Dallas : I'm in for a sex change.

  Barney Gerber : Why do you wanna change sex? If I remember correctly, it was pretty terrific!

• Nurse Nancy Darwin : [to Jodie]  Your chart says you're here for a sex change operation. Why in the world would you want a sex change operation?

  Barney Gerber : Look, I'm thinking of getting one myself next week. They say women live longer!

• Nurse Nancy Darwin : Are we feeling better today?

  Barney Gerber : We? What are you all of a sudden, my partner?

  Nurse Nancy Darwin : And how many times did we go to the bathroom?

  Barney Gerber : You, I don't know. I went twice, and it was a long, exhausting trip for nothing!

• Barney Gerber : So, that's your brother? Well, he's a nice boy. Looks like Anne Bancroft.

• Barney Gerber : Uh, listen, sonny girl... uh, you mentioned about shooting. See, I'm a heart patient, and my doctor told me I should specifically avoid gunfire. Fatty foods, and gunfire.