South Park (TV Series)
Mecha-Streisand (1998)
Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Anthropologist, Pip Pirrup, Milo, Sidney Poitier, Clam Girl #1, Jimbo Kern, Ted, Jesus
Quotes
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[Barbra Streisand has disguised herself to trick the boys into giving her the magic Triangle]
Barbra Streisand : I want to give you a big cash reward for finding it. It's worth a lot of money to me.
Eric Cartman : It is?
Stan Marsh : Hey, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.
Barbra Streisand : Oh!
[giggles nervously]
Barbra Streisand : Who is that?
Kyle Broflovski : Oh, just this really, really old lady who wishes she was still only forty-five.
[Boys laugh, Barbra Streisand grinds her teeth]
Stan Marsh : Yeah, and you should have seen her nose! It was big enough to land Stealth Bombers on!
[Boys laugh again, Barbra Streisand desperately tries to restrain herself]
Eric Cartman : Yeah! And talk about a bitch, I haven't seen...
Barbra Streisand : *Enough*!
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Kyle Broflovski : Wait. Isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Eric Cartman : No, not when money's involved, stupid!
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Kyle Broflovski : [yelling to Robert Smith as he disappears into the distance] "Disintegration" is the best album EVER!
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Eric Cartman : [after the boys are forced to endure Streisand's singing] Okay, okay! I'll tell where the triangle is. It's inside my shoe.
[Milo approaches and removes his right shoe]
Kyle Broflovski : Aagh! For Christ's sake, Cartman, when was the last time you changed your socks?
Eric Cartman : And I suppose *your* socks smell like the Botanical Gardens?
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Tom the News Reader : ...and finally tonight, a young boy from South Park, Colorado found something very interesting during a field trip today. Here with a special report is a quadraplegic Swiss man on a pony.
[cuts to Quadraplegic Swiss man]
Quadraplegic Swiss Man : Thanks, Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a very ancient triangular object.
Kyle Broflovski : Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like, 'dude, I found this triangle' and my friends were like, 'dude' and I was all like 'dude.'
Eric Cartman : ...and I told him. I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him squa' - in the nuts, and he cried - like Nancy Kerrigan!
Kyle Broflovski : You liar, Cartman!
Eric Cartman : [off-camera] Screw you, triangle thief!
Quadraplegic Swiss Man : And so, the little boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science... mwell a little later. Back to you, Dave.
Tom the News Reader : Thanks, Tom. Those are some cute, cute kids, except for that last one-he's a little tubby.
Eric Cartman : [popping up before the camera] Eeyy!
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Kyle Broflovski : But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.