Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

Looking for Par'Mach in All the Wrong Places (1996)

Alexander Siddig: Doctor Julian Bashir

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor Bashir : [running a medical scanner over Quark]  A compound fracture of the right radius, 2 fractured ribs, torn ligaments, strained tendons, numerous contusions, bruises, and scratches. What have you been doing?

  Quark : You mean,

  [trades a Look with Grilka] 

  Quark : what have *we* been doing?

  Doctor Bashir : [realization dawning]  Never mind. I don't need that particular image running around in my head. I'll just treat you.

  Doctor Bashir : [the door opens, and a battered Dax and Worf enter]  What happened to you two?

  Lt. Commander Worf : We, um...

  [looks to Dax] 

  Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax : Well, um... if you must know...

  Doctor Bashir : No! No, I don't need that image, either. In fact, I'm going to stop asking that question altogether! People can come in, I will treat them, and that's all!

• Doctor Bashir : Bajoran women have been sneezing their way through pregnancy for over 100,000 years. You can't expect me to cure it overnight.

• Chief O'Brien : I can't go to the holosuite tonight. Kira and I have some things to work out.

  Doctor Bashir : Ah, still fighting, eh?

  Chief O'Brien : Who says we're fighting?

  Doctor Bashir : Well, word gets around. It's a small station.

  Chief O'Brien : It's a *huge* station!

  Doctor Bashir : Obviously not huge enough.

• Chief O'Brien : [about Kira]  Oh, by the way, I almost forgot. She, er... she has a... rash on the back of her thighs. Do you have a salve or something?

  Doctor Bashir : How long has she had it?

  Chief O'Brien : Well, I noticed it yesterday when I was helping her out of the bathtub, so she's had it at least a day.

  Doctor Bashir : [stunned]  Helping her out of the tub?

  Chief O'Brien : She's living in my house! She's having my baby!

  Doctor Bashir : So, er... did you look?

  Chief O'Brien : What? Oh, please. I was holding a towel up in front of her.

  Doctor Bashir : How does Keiko feel about you helping Kira out of the tub?

  Chief O'Brien : Keiko feels fine about it. You see, we are adults, and we've developed a close, mature relationship.

  Doctor Bashir : Ha, I'm sure that Keiko and Kira have. But you?

  Chief O'Brien : What about me?

  Doctor Bashir : I bet you looked.

• Doctor Bashir : [Dr. Bashir is examining a wounded Quark in the infirmary. Quark is gingerly clutching his right arm in a sling]  A compound fracture of the right radius, 2 fractured ribs, torn ligaments, strained tendons, numerous contusions, bruises, and scratches. What have you been doing?

  Quark : You mean...

  [Quark exchanges a provocutive look with Grilka, who is revealed to be standing by him] 

  Quark : ...What have *We* been doing?

  Quark , Grilka : [Quark and Grilka laugh raunchily. Dr. Bashir looks a little disturbed] 

  Doctor Bashir : [awkwardly]  Uh huh... I see. I don't need that particular image in my head. I'll just treat you.