- London: Come and stay at the...
- Mr. Moseby: It's your name!
- London: Oh! Come and stay at the London!
- Mr. Moseby: Your last name!
- London: I am going to sing and dance at the same time.
- Herman Spatz: And i'll try to watch and hold my lunch down at the Same time.
- Zack Martin: This is great! This is our chance to get on TV!
- Cody Martin: Yeah, I always thought you'd be on TV. I just assumed you'd be in handcuffs.
- Zack Martin: You mean, as a magician?
- Cody Martin: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's it.
- Herman Spatz: Why on EARTH should I put you in my commercial?
- London: Because my daddy owns this hotel, and signs your checks.
- Herman Spatz: Brilliant! YOU are hired!
- Herman Spatz: [after Mr.Moesby preforms spectacularly] Please, tell me we got that on film!
- Assistant #2: I WOULD but I'd be lying! We wasted all the film on the air-head heiress!
- Esteban: Welcome to the Tipton!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Where everything is sweet!
- Patrick: Try joining us for dinner, may we offer you a seat?
- Mr. Moseby: [singing] Next time stay at the Tipton/The Tipton puts you on top/When you stay at the Tipton/The good times, they never stop
- Esteban, Maddie Fitzpatrick, Patrick, Carey Martin, Arwin, Mr. Moseby: [singing] Because you're the star when you travel far/The food is always gourmet/At the Tipton, at the Tipton/At the Tipton, it's your place to stay!
- Mr. Moseby: Check in!