- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: [first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log number 22-37, we were in a land of damsels in distress and knights in shiny armor, the legendary Cramalot.
- Luigi: Oh hiya, squirt, who are you?
- Patty: A sad eyed orphan. No parents, no brothers, no sisters, just me and my shadow.
- Luigi: Oh, what a sad, story. Come in sweetheart. Oh please, come in to my house. Listen squirt, you don't happen to have a name do you?
- Patty: Patty, The Sad Eyed Orphan.
- Luigi: Oh. Mario, Mario, come here, we have a guest. This is my brother Mario. Mario, this is Patty, the sad eyed orphan.
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Nice to meet you Patty, the sad eyed orphen. Where you from?
- Patty: Oh, I've been drifting for about six months now, ya know, living off the land. Life if tough when you don't have any parents to love and take care of you.
- [Patty fakely cries]
- Patty: Nobody even cares that today's my birthday!
- [first lines]
- Edison: Now let me see here. If I move my bishop four and the queen six... Oh no, no, no. Because if I do that, then I won't be able to move this one here. But then again, if I move that one here, then I can move this one here.
- Luigi: Yo, yo, yo. Edison.
- Edison: And of course...
- Luigi: Ho!
- Edison: This one here... Yes?
- Luigi: Is there not a blackout in the Bronx that you should be taking care of?
- Edison: Well, I have a move here.
- Luigi: I know, but we haven't got all day.
- Edison: Okay, here it is.
- Luigi: That's it?
- Edison: That's my move.
- Luigi: After all that planning, that's your move?
- Edison: That's it.
- Luigi: I finally got you, Edison. There.
- Edison: That's it?
- Luigi: That's it.
- Edison: That's your move?
- Luigi: That's it!
- Edison: Checkmate.
- King Bowser Koopa: So? Mario thinks he's King of Cramalot? That impudent little faucet fixer. How dare he! There's only one King of Cramalot. And who is that?
- Koopa Troopa: Uh, can you give me a hint?
- King Bowser Koopa: He's sitting right here on this throne.
- Koopa Troopa: Well, gee. Maybe you'd better get off him.
- King Bowser Koopa: I'm talkin' about me, you know-nothing nincompoop!
- King Bowser Koopa: Drats. You pasta-brained plumbers have foiled my plans again.
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: That's the way the meatball bounces.
- King Bowser Koopa: Then as the old saying goes, he who koops and runs away, lives to koop another day.
- Mervin the Magician: Nice plumbing, hero guy. Dust off the crown and call out the town. Cramalot has a new king.
- Luigi: Now we'll never get back to Brooklyn.
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Take it easy, Luigi. Things could be worse.
- Luigi: We're trapped in a dungeon about to be executed. How could things be any worse?
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Well, for one thing, the ceiling could lower until it flattens us like a pizza.
- [the spiked ceiling starts to lower]
- Toad: Very uncool, dudes. The ceiling *is* lowering.
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Or the room could fill with water until we all drown like rats. Huh?
- [water fills the dungeon]
- Princess Toadstool: We've got to get out of here!
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Hey, I can think of another way things could be worse.
- Luigi: Mario, please! Don't say another word!
- Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Koopa, you're the meanest, ugliest lizard that ever slimed its way across Cramalot.
- King Bowser Koopa: Flattery will get you nowhere.
- Mario: Hey, what's this thing?
- Mervin the magician: Your new exercise machine. Whoever becomes King of Cramalot must be trim as a lion. No more pasta for you.
- Mario: Err, on a second thought, uh, Mervy, ol' pal, I don't think I'm cut out to be king!
- [Mario places the crown on Mervin's head and runs off]
- Mario: Here! Arrivederchi, King Mervin!
- [last lines]
- Luigi: Till the next time, everbody...
- Luigi, Mario "Jumpman" Mario: Do the Mario!
- Patty: Do the Mario!
- Mario Mario: Luigi? You'll have to swim across the moat and let down the drawbridge.
- Luigi: Me? But, eh, b-b-but I can't! I'm... I'm gonna have a baby!
- [Luigi pretends to groan in pain. The rest of the group stare at him incredulously, then Mario pushes Luigi up to the bridge]
- Luigi: Eh, well, it was worth a try.