That '70s Show (TV Series)

Can't You Hear Me Knocking (2005)

Danny Masterson: Steven Hyde

Quotes 

• Eric Forman : Poor, little, tough guy hiding behind his bluster.

  Steven Hyde : Shut up, Forman, I'm fine!

  Michael Kelso : Sounds like someone needs a tickle.

  Fez : No, I'm okay.

  Eric Forman : We're your best friends and we're not going to let you go through this alone!

  Michael Kelso : Eric's right!

  [climbs over the couch] 

  Michael Kelso : We're going to do something that *guys* do!

  Fez : A massage train?

  Michael Kelso : No!

  [to Hyde] 

  Michael Kelso : So, we got you a present.

  Steven Hyde : [Cut to the circle]  This is a great present, guys! I especially like the teeny, white paper you wrapped it in.

  Michael Kelso : The only thing that could ruin today is if the Russians set off the Russian Death Ray that's pointed at the White House. No, seriously! I read it in a magazine!

  Eric Forman : Kelso, that was The Flash and it's a comic book.

  Fez : I love comic books. Sometimes I wish I had thought bubbles. Do you see anything?

  Steven Hyde : The Russians don't have a death ray, man, but they *do* have a stupid ray and it's pointed right at you.

  Michael Kelso : They *do* have a death ray and I'll prove it. Where's the phone?

  Eric Forman : Kelso, I'm not allowed to make long distance calls without permission.

  Michael Kelso : They've got me on hold. Oh, and they're playing the theme song to the President.

  Eric Forman : "Hail To The Chief".

  Michael Kelso : Thank you, Eric, but I'm trying to enjoy the President's theme song!

• Eric Forman : Kelso, if you tell the White House there's a death ray, they're going to have you committed. I say go for it.

  Michael Kelso : Of course they're not going to admit it. I got to trick them into saying it. It's what cops call

  [uses air quotes] 

  Michael Kelso : "tricking them".

  [on the phone] 

  Michael Kelso : Hello, White House? I have a few questions. How well is the President protected? Because someone wants to hurt the President. Damn right it's a threat, a threat on the President's life! Where am I now? I'm at Red Forman's house in Point Place...

  Eric Forman : No!

  [Eric and Hyde hang up the phone] 

  Steven Hyde : You idiot! You just told them where we are! They're going to come here and arrest us!

  Michael Kelso : They should arrest the Russians! *They're* the ones with the death ray!

  Fez : You didn't mention the death ray!

  Michael Kelso : Ah-ha! So you admit there is a death ray!

• Eric Forman : [to a vacuum they think has a bug in it]  You're looking for Michael Kelso.

  Michael Kelso : Quit it!

  Eric Forman : No! This whole thing is your fault!

  Michael Kelso : If it's anyone's fault, it's Hyde's, because he got dumped by Jackie, so we had to be nice to him!

  Fez : Go easy on the kid! Breaking up with Jackie was the biggest mistake he ever made. Remember? We were talking about it behind his back!

  Steven Hyde : Shut up, Fez! If I want to hear your advice, I'll kick you in the 'nads!

  Fez : Oh. In that case, my advice is: "please don't kick me in the 'nads".

  Eric Forman : [in a loud voice]  Maybe the Feds have some advice. Remember, they're listening with the

  [whispers] 

  Eric Forman : V-A-C-U-U-M!

  Steven Hyde : [They look puzzled for a little bit]  It spells "vacuum".

  Michael Kelso : "Vacuum" has two U's in it? That's messed up!

• Fez : If Hyde's right and the Feds are outside, we have to dispose of the evidence.

  Eric Forman : [During the second circle]  Good job disposing of the evidence guys.

  Michael Kelso : Eric, you better take this seriously. We have a lot of evidence to dispose of. Even more than at the Pink Floyd concert.

  Fez : Without all the smoke machines and lasers this is just like punishment.

  Steven Hyde : I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I had more people to share this with.

• Steven Hyde : [During the third circle]  This is our third circle today and it hasn't calmed me down at all!

  Fez : I can't be sent back to my home country. My parents would be ashamed, I'd get stoned and then they'd throw rocks at me!

  Eric Forman : I think we all need to settle down! Just settle down! Who's yelling! Who is yelling!

• Fez : [the guys think a van parked across the street is the FBI]  It's just a dog catcher's van.

  Steven Hyde : That's what they want you to think, man!

  Michael Kelso : Yeah! A real dog catcher's van wouldn't say "dog catcher" because otherwise the dogs would see it and run away!

  Fez : I can hear dogs inside.

  Steven Hyde : It's obviously a recording. Alright, on the count of three: one, two, three!

  [They open the doors releasing a bunch of dogs] 

  Steven Hyde : I don't know if it's the fresh air talking but I'm beginning to think this entire thing is just our imagination.

  Eric Forman : I think we need to let this whole imagination thing go.

  [almost hits Fez with his red plastic light saber] 

  Eric Forman : Whoa, watch out! I almost cut you right in half there, man!

• Steven Hyde : [During the fourth circle]  The Feds have ruined the circle, man.

  Michael Kelso : The circle's what's keeping us sharp. If it wasn't for the circle, we wouldn't have known the Feds were after us, planning our every move. I say "thank you" for the circle.

• Steven Hyde : [Eric is carrying a red plastic light saber]  You know that's not a real weapon?

  Eric Forman : I know.

  Steven Hyde : Not even if you really, really believe.

  Eric Forman : I don't.

  [Hyde walks away] 

  Eric Forman : Don't let me down, baby!

  [He kisses the light saber] 

• Steven Hyde : Seriously, Jackie, don't you have something to say?

  Jackie Burkhart : Like what?

  Steven Hyde : I don't know... "I'm a spoiled, crazy, whack job and I'm sorry?"

  Fez : That's no way to talk to a lady.

  Michael Kelso : Especially a spoiled, crazy, whack job that's likely to get you killed!

  Reginald "Red" Forman : [entering]  Oh, my God! There's a hundred morons in my basement! Not even *that's* going to ruin my day.

  Eric Forman : Yes! Only one, and *one* man only, has the power to do that! 'Tis I!

  Reginald "Red" Forman : No, not even *you* can do that. And who the hell talks like that?

  Kitty Forman : Red, honey, you were happy, remember?

  Reginald "Red" Forman : Today's the first day of winter and I'm going fishing.

  Kitty Forman : I'll come too. I'll grab my fishing stick.

  Reginald "Red" Forman : I don't want to go.

  Kitty Forman : Why not?

  Reginald "Red" Forman : Because I don't want you to go.

  Michael Kelso : [using a golf club to mimic a pump shotgun]  Burn!

• Steven Hyde : Kelso finally figures out how to use a phone and we're all going to jail!

  Eric Forman : Maybe its not them. I mean, the Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house.

  Steven Hyde : Everything you think the Government's not doing, they *are* doing! The only thing they *didn't* do was land a man on the moon! Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set! That's how he got the job for Jaws!